Things that make you wet

From our honest and loyal Facebook fans with a few of my own thrown in there too.

– Men in kilts
– Innocently bending over when he’s looking
– Bald men with tattoos
– Sucking on my fingers
– Humming in my ear
– Lightly blowing on my neck and ears
– Licking me like a lollipop
– Pulling my hair
– Feather light touches
-Kissing my stomach
-Biting my neck when we’re doggie style
– A normal text turns into sexting
– Knowing you shouldn’t do something and not stopping
– Making them say what they want even though you already know
– When he runs his finger down my spine
– Nibbling in all the right places
– Knowing someone else might be watching you
– Whisker burn
– Biting my lip
– Still smelling him on the pillow afterward

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~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Size does count

I have yet to introduce The Man of My Dreams to the blog, but this was a recent conversation I had with him about The Boob Man and his limp penne pasta-sized penis.

Him: Oh, that whole post makes me feel much better about myself
GTiL: Ha ha! Good.
Him: I’ve only had my size questioned once and that was a nightmare…
GTiL: I’m sure she was full of shit. And hopefully without incriminating myself I can say that you are well above his league.
Him: All I can say is my length is above normal but I am not huge. I have also been told my girth is what most like.
GTiL: I agree that it’s more about girth than length. But I disagree with people that say “size doesn’t make a difference” Who the fuck are they kidding?
GTiL: It was hard for me to feel sorry for this guy because he sucked in bed. He almost deserved to have a small penis and he surely did not make up for it in other ways.
Him: I think that statement really means that if you are at least average you’ll be ok. I don’t think that statement is about the Penne Pasta guys.
GTiL: Ha! That’s true.
Him: I have a friend that complains about her husbands size all the time. I tell her that is what she gets for falling in love with the uniform and not the man in it.
GTiL: Wow, really? I don’t think I’d have the balls to complain about my husband’s penis size. And if it was not adequate I would not have a ring on my finger in the first place. Maybe I place too much importance on sex in a relationship?
Him: No you don’t and I have to admit I am very surprised she ever married this guy. She has a big addiction to sex and can’t figure out why she settled. She fell in love with a Navy man and that is as far as she looked I guess.
GTiL: There’s countless people in my life that have “settled” for the one they married. I’m really amazed by the numbers. I can’t do any relationship unless I’m completely infatuated and connected with someone – and the sex has to be damn good.
Him: So Penne boy is off that list I take it?
GTiL: Long gone!

The Chicken and the Horse

A Chicken and a Horse are best friends. One day they are strolling around the farm together when the horse falls into a deep pit. “Help!” he cries to the Chicken, “Go get the farmer to get me out of here!”

The Chicken runs back to the farm house, but the farmer isn’t at home. His brand new Porsche is sitting in the driveway with the keys in the ignition, which gives the Chicken an idea. He gets into the Porsche, drives to the pit, and ties one end of the rope to the Porsche and the other end around the Horse. Then the Chicken revs up the Porsche and uses it to haul the horse up and out of the pit. “Thanks buddy,” says the Horse, “I owe you one!”

The very next day, the two are walking together past the pit again, and this time the Chicken falls in. “Quick!” he squawks, “Go get the Porsche and pull me out!”

“No no no no,” replies the Horse, “Not necessary.” He straddles the pit with all four legs. Now, horses are known for being extremely well endowed, and so he lowers that part of his anatomy down into the pit and tells the Chicken to grab hold. Without further ado, the Horse reels the Chicken back up and saves the day.

The moral of this story? If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Porsche to pick up chicks.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)