Puzzle Pieces of Relationships

Submitted from our guest blogger “Sexy Legs”:

Trying to find the right mate can be a lot like putting a puzzle together. It starts off a jumbled mess of random pieces that you want to assemble to create something beautiful. You look at the picture on the box to see where the pieces are supposed to fit until the image is complete.

Finding the right relationship is very similar. We all have the picture in our heads of what our perfect relationship is. As we meet new people and date we get closer to completing that image. We learn which pieces fit where, find some that don’t seem to belong anywhere, some that fit only on two sides, continuing the process until there is only one piece left. Though the process is tedious, we learn from it. Things we like, things we don’t, and all the while the image of that “perfect” relationship ideal becomes clearer and clearer as we add each puzzle piece. One day, that certain person comes along that is like the “last” puzzle piece. The one that fits perfectly in that spot and completes the image and makes it reality.

When they kiss you for the first time and you feel the electricity to your toes. When you hold each other and your bodies meld together, and the curves of your bodies just mold to each other. When you make love and it seems like you move as one. Effortless, just like that last puzzle piece. There is no need to twist or manipulate the piece to try to make it fit, it just slides into place completing the picture you have in your head.

I seem to have found my last puzzle piece. The person who just ” fits” on all sides. I continue to be amazed at how effortless the relationship has evolved. I had always heard people talk about someone being the yin to their yang but honestly thought it was all bullshit. I was a confirmed cynic when it came to love and romance.

I had been in serious relationships before, even been married, but never have I felt the “click” that I felt when I met this man. I could almost hear that last piece snapping into place. On every front we fit: companionship, ideals, values, and passion. It all just works with no effort at all and it feels wonderful.

So next time you have that bad date, or horrible breakup, just think that you are one piece closer to finishing your puzzle and finding that last perfect fit.

~ Sexy Legs {guest blogger}

My sexual dating diatribe

Him:
So, what are you all about? What are you looking for on here?

Me:
Hmmm… that’s a loaded question. I’m not sure what I’m looking for on [insert ridiculous internet dating site name here] specifically … I have yet to find it.

From a life perspective, I’m looking for someone challenging enough to keep me interested; love life, sex and good times as much as I do — if it leads to more, then I’m interested. I’d love to be lost in a moment with someone and really have them care for me as much as I do for them … and be really sexually compatible.  I haven’t figured out if that’s too much to expect or realistic of another human being. Did I mention I like sex?

I’ve been deeply in love and I’ve had my share of flings that were as forgettable as a rainstorm. I’m okay with a great friend (with benefits) to spend time with too. After all, “dinner for one” night after night gets a little boring!

I keep giving it another shot until I find it. It’s the hard-headed redhead in me that refuses to give up. Bottoms up!

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Evolution of online dating

It’s funny how my online dating experiences have evolved and I also see it in other profiles.

There’s that guy that is so possessive of himself that he gives off this giant “chip on the shoulder” attitude in his profile. He’s so adamant about a woman not “changing” him that he just puts it all out there. He’s the “I burp, I fart, I don’t have a job, I live with my mother and I don’t care what the fuck you think” kind of guy. I’m glad he’s confident in himself but I can’t imagine him ever giving a shit about me enough to even go on a date with that kind of attitude. What’s the point of even having a profile if you just want to be with yourself?

I consistently see folks that write “no drama and no games” in their profiles. How realistic and likely is this? Just because they met someone and fell for them hard and then got their heart broken they have now labeled it as a “game”? Perhaps the other person just didn’t see the world like they do and was unable to return the same feelings, emotions or physical connection. What is wrong with that?

Why would you WANT to be with someone that did not feel the same about you? Breaking up is hard but a necessity at that point – hearts mend over time. Don’t get mad because someone isn’t “right” for you.

The most boring clichés of online profiles:
– I’m laid back
– I’m easy-going
– I work hard and play hard too
– I don’t want drama or games
– I have a great sense of humor
– I’ve never done this before and I’m “just looking”

And then there’s the quintessential bathroom self-portrait … those just kill me. At least meeting people in bars was social interaction, with this online stuff I feel like I’m only getting lucky with my computer screen.

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

the first and last date

I’ve been the queen of One Hit Wonders and they are so frustrating. Even in my supreme efforts to vet each and every man prior to that first meeting I’ve been striking out lately. It all started with a guy I met about a year ago at a bar …

My coworker and I decided to bring our laptops to a local pub since our building lost power in a storm. Why not work and drink, right? We were chatting it up and I decided to ask her feedback on my online dating profile. A few beers later we were sending sassy messages to men and laughing very loudly at the bar. A rather cute man sat down next to me and asked what was so funny. I showed him our drunken shenanigans and he joined in too.

A few hours later I’d completely hit it off with this guy at the bar! It turned out that we were in the same career and had a lot in common. He was well-spoken, my age and from outside appearances, a GREAT guy. We met up a few times at the same bar over the next week and got to know each other more. We busily exchanged text messages and silly things via Facebook. But then I had to get my running shoes on …

One night in a drunken stupor [a week after we met] he proclaimed his love for me via text message at 2 AM. I actually said out loud “Are you fucking kidding me?” and ignored it. His perpetual “you are so beautiful” and “you have a perfect life” comments had already started wearing thin on me. I graciously accepted his compliments but yet held on to my imperfect sensibility and humble immortality – I’m not Barbie!

When I confronted the “love text” the next morning he had plenty of excuses for the behavior. I think then he realized he just created the opposite of what he intended. I’m not quite sure that I’d say I’m monogamy-impaired but I sure don’t want that noose squeezing me after a week of knowing the guy.

It happened again last week! I’m talking to a man and we get along GREAT. Yet before we even meet, he’s talking about how amazing I am and that he can’t believe I’m single … and how he wants to take a trip with me in October.  What the fuck dude?! What happened to dating and the elusive chase? The physical gestures and “I’m fucking you tonight” looks? He killed the first date before it even happened. I can’t fall for someone I’ve never met – just can’t do it.

Where have all the great guys gone?  Oh yeah, they are taken… or too far away … or just plain old American.

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Are you magically delicious?

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day we have a Lucky Charms marshmallow sex quiz:

Green clovers:
You’re a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don’t take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you.

Blue diamonds:
Your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you’ll get later. “If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?” is probably what’s going through your mind.

Orange Stars:
You expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time.

Pink hearts:
You’re the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he’s too distracted to form coherent phrases, you’ll settle for romantic syllables.

Purple horseshoes:
Your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes–she’s likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you’re not looking and who knows what could happen next?

Yellow Moons:
You’re more interested in satisfying your partner’s needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them.

Those little oat bits that aren’t marshmallows at all:
You probably don’t like sex anyway and don’t need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music.

More than friends?

So I wrote, for the first time in ages, only a couple days ago … about my bestie guy friend and our killer sex life behind his serious girlfriend’s back.  Well let me tell ya (and trust I will go back and write about my FF and his huge fucking hose soon) things have taken a HARD CORE left turn … er right turn … not entirely sure.

Let me start with this … I adore this man.  He rocks my world in so many ways its not even funny.  He is the ONE person I know I can be ME totally ME around.  In all my geeky retarded splendor.  Oh yeah.  He likes me for the stupid me.  Those guys are few and far between.

So here is this guy, so perfect it’s like I was cut from his missing rib, but so far from my type it would make your head spin.  I date bikers and truckers, zz tops lookin’ mother fuckers and bad ass boys.  And here is this mostly put together business man who comes home from work in dress pants/shoes/shirt/and even a tie at times.  WHAAAA???!!!  No 9″ long goatee.  No tattoos.  No oddball piercings.  No record (that I know of) and yet someone that drives me so crazy I want to hump his leg randomly when we’re out.

So his birthday was this past Friday.  I thought long and hard and came up with a gift that no one but me would ever get him.  Story for another time…

Thursday we had an epic day together – hot and heavy in an abandoned army depot.  Friday, major suck fest, and not in the hot and sexy way.  In the “my life sucks” way.  Hard to face not seeing him because he is with his girlfriend.  Major gut check.  I wasn’t shy about how I felt and he caught onto the fact that I’m tired of waiting for him to get shit figured out.

~Not Yer Bitch

Friends with benefits, so sooooooo many benefits

Hate me all you want for not writing for so long if you must; but if you want a real reason to hate me, read on.

It took a while after my divorce was over for me to get back into the swing of things, at least in the bedroom.  After over 9 years “off the market” the idea of finding someone who seemed worthy of a romp, much less getting naked with someone I don’t know very well … yeah … horrifying at best.

If you have to ease your way back into bed with someone, I always never recommend doing it with someone who you consider to be one of your best friends.  I also rarely take my own advice so guess what?  Who would’ve known that a man I have come to adore for who he is and how he makes me laugh and smile, who is 8 years my senior, and totally not my normal type … would be a rockstar in bed like I can not even express.

I’ll admit that sparks had been flying for some time.  Our version of fun together is breaking into abandoned, partially destroyed, and wildly unsafe buildings … to take pictures.  That’s smart … and a nice way to get the adrenaline juices flowing freely.  It didn’t take long for the innuendos to start flying between us, thick enough to cut with a knife.  Everyone who spent time with us asked if we were together, some even made comments about us needing to be separated via means such as fabric softener or pry bar.

But leave it to me to spin off a fantasy sexual relationship with a man who has a girlfriend.  So I did my best to behave—I suck at that.  After a few clearly intentional touches  from him on a very early, very cold, very abandoned Sunday morning, I made up my mind that at some point I would make that epic first post-divorce move and plant one on this guy.  I mean seriously, what did I have to lose?  A few days passed and he came for dinner.  We hung out for a while and in a random moment of silently looking at each other (and with the encouragement of half a bottle of Jim Beam) I literally announced “Fuck it!” out loud and then lunged across the room at him.

As if the fact that I had strong feelings for this guy wasn’t enough to complicate my barely post-divorce mind, he surprisingly not only accepted my advance but dove in head first.  Clothes flying in all directions, limbs tangled up, tongues and hands and lips running over skin like months worth of sexual tension had just broke.

I shit you not—THREE hours later—he was still going.  I on the other hand, was used to a “15 minute fuck and roll over” with my ex—I was a twisted combination of exhausted and so hooked it wasn’t even funny.

*NOTE TO WOMEN*  If you aren’t gonna give your man what he wants, the way he wants it, and make him squirm, moan and say “holy fuck” when he’s done, someone else will.  Apparently, I’m that someone.  Yeah I’m a dirty whore.  Guess what? I’m okay with it.

So its been just about a month and a half since my 3-hour-romp with an older man (who I adore) that has a 7-year-long relationship with a girlfriend who has NO idea there’s something going on.  I have a God given talent to ignore my conscious and a incredibly threadbare moral fiber which has allowed me to continue taking this guy into my bed for hours on end, sometimes 3 times a day.  It’s worth every second of it.  Gotta keep my heart and head in check, but that is a story (and a guy) for another day.

~Not Yer Bitch (but on occasion I’ll be his!)

Things that make you wet

From our honest and loyal Facebook fans with a few of my own thrown in there too.

– Men in kilts
– Innocently bending over when he’s looking
– Bald men with tattoos
– Sucking on my fingers
– Humming in my ear
– Lightly blowing on my neck and ears
– Licking me like a lollipop
– Pulling my hair
– Feather light touches
-Kissing my stomach
-Biting my neck when we’re doggie style
– A normal text turns into sexting
– Knowing you shouldn’t do something and not stopping
– Making them say what they want even though you already know
– When he runs his finger down my spine
– Nibbling in all the right places
– Knowing someone else might be watching you
– Whisker burn
– Biting my lip
– Still smelling him on the pillow afterward

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~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

The making of the best porn movie ever

There is one man in my life that makes me incredibly wet and horny as hell. He’s on my short-list of Best Sex Ever. I didn’t know it on our first encounter, but it’s an ill-fated relationship because he’s married. I always vowed never to be “the other woman” but now I’m officially a dirty bitch – but for this one, I don’t care.

Rico Suave is a real-life fantasy and I’m in total ecstasy when I’m with him. He’s 9 years younger than me and Mexican. He’s totally ripped in his arms and chest and has a very grab-able and lick-able ass. He has the most beautiful smile and is 100% man but without the ego – I don’t think he has any idea how hot and fuck-able he is.

I’ve known Rico Suave for almost 3 years and I recently saw him on a night out celebrating a birthday with friends. He is always a flirt with me and I was pleasantly surprised to see his car in my driveway when I got home.

If there is anyone who I might fantasize about it’s Rico Suave. There is so much passion and lust between us I feel like I’m in the hottest porn movie ever made. We went into my house and started kissing in the kitchen. He immediately went to my neck and breasts and then started pushing me toward the bedroom kissing me the whole way.

I barely remember him taking my clothes off or me undoing his. Within a minute his fingers were plunging into my wetness and I was moaning in pleasure. He pushed me onto the bed and teased me more with the tip of his hard cock and then thrust into me when he could not take any more.

He turned me and teased me from behind and I lifted my hips and he pushed in doggie style. I braced with my hands to make him go deeper and he pulled my head back with my long locks and teased me with his fingers to send me into a blissful orgasm.

I was completely lost in a world of ecstasy and eroticism at this point. He laid on his back and I covered him with my body teasing him with my erect nipples and wetness. I teased up and down his hard cock and then pushed down, letting him fill me. He held my breasts and I rocked my hips to yet another amazing orgasm.

He wasn’t done yet (thank goodness for younger men!) and he put me on my back and pushed into me. His body was slick with sweat and his muscles were pulsing and trembling as I ran my hands over him. I gripped his arms and wrapped my thighs around him to push him deeper into me. We both rode in rhythm until he exploded inside me and our flesh and muscles were twitching.

By far, some of the best sex I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to see my Rico Suave again. Every woman deserves to have sex this amazing at least once!

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

I found the French hot button

Maybe I could even re-name it the “Easy Button” because that’s a good way to describe it = Sucking my fingers while he fingers me. I feel like I won the orgasm lottery!

Sex with him is slow, intense, deep and deliberate … And leaves me breathless. The passion in our bodies is so overwhelming I can barely put it into words. I love it when his arms and abs get hard when he’s pushing into me. I want to stop time when I’m naked with him – turn up the music, pull me in, because I want an overdose of this man!

After dinner and a movie we decided to hit a club for dancing and a few drinks. I loved feeling him get hard under his jeans in public. And even more fun to have everyone watch us dance “dirty” and tease each other – and the quintessential “I’m fucking you later” look.

The plus side of this is that I know he’s amazing in a hundred ways but the downside is that I have to keep saying goodbye. In the two years we’ve known each other, we’ve never made “plans” for a future visit. This time he asked if he could come back in January. I said yes … in a frighteningly committed way.

As they say: “Never go back to an old love, it’s like reading a book over and over again when you already know how it ends.” I know how this ends, but it’s a best-seller in my heart and always on my bookshelf.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

The Man of My Dreams

As if my love life wasn’t complicated enough, I had to then meet The Man of My Dreams. As they often say, you will find the most wonderful people when you are not looking or expecting it. I’m very much a day-dreamer and have an imagination that usually runs wild and causes me heartache. I never considered the idea that I might actually find the man I’ve dreamed up in my  head.

I think I’ve known all along that The Man of My Dreams would be witty, charismatic, intelligent, kind, humble, quirky, very good looking and very sexually adventurous. I feel like I’ve known him all my life. We talk almost every day and aren’t afraid to share anything with each other. I feel like he knows me better than most of my friends and family. We relate to each other well because we are in the same career and regularly share experiences, ideas and tragedies with each other. I always feel we have a great deal of respect for one another even though we don’t always agree. He puts up with my sarcasm and attitude, he even banters with me and has an incredibly forgiving and kind soul.

I’m incredibly drawn to him both mentally and physically — an undeniable attraction and connection. He has a bad boy look that is a total turn-on for me. I love the sound of his voice and wish I could talk to him for hours. I’ve never kissed him but I can pretty much guarantee we’d have freakishly amazing sex. The biggest problem?  He’s on the If Onlys list — he’s unobtainable — for multiple reasons.

He asked me once if I could have one day with him without ever effecting our lives if I would take it. I told him “no” out of sheer self-preservation. I lied. There’s no way I could say no to that if I was lost in the moment.

He claims he was one of the “quiet, anti-social kids” growing up. He never went to Prom and rarely dated women. Which is ironic because he talks non-stop and has an incredibly intriguing sexual past. If there was one thing I could relive with this man, I’d want to take him to Prom. I can only imagine the temptation of this man in a tux would do to me. And the sexual fantasies that I’ve had with him and me in a dress would rock my world.

I’m not even sure what I like best about him. Whatever it is, it just blows me away. It’s just him. He knows he’s #1 on my list but he also knows I’m desperately seeking his replacement — if he exists.

This growing list of If Onlys is really starting to break my heart.

~GTiL

The Perfect Gentleman

The Perfect Gentleman is actually hard for me to think and write about. He’s someone I’ve known for a few years but he’s not physically close to me. We talk on the phone all the time, text and keep track of each other over social media.

He’s on my dubious list of If Onlys in my life. He’s very tall, dark and adorable … and racially different which is such a heart-stopper for me. He’s quirky and sassy but very much always The Perfect Gentleman. He always insists on paying for everything, opening doors and treating me like a queen — and would probably buy me an island if he could afford to. He’d do anything for me and the way he looks at me makes me melt. The great part is that we feel the same way about each other … the terrible part is that he’s 4 states away.

We had a missed opportunity to see each other last weekend. I guess I better get used to disappointment with this one, which hurts more because he’s so fun. He’s incredibly passionate and intense sexually and can turn me on instantly. He has a great sense of humor and actually playfully smacked my ass at the bar when I sassed at him about something. He apologized profusely because he’s The Perfect Gentleman, but if I let him know how much it turns me on, he’d never let me leave.

Complication is exciting right? I know I should not hold out for this one but I sure hope my next adventure with him is soon. If Only he was not 900 miles away. I’m terrible at goodbyes. I think it took me an hour of kissing and holding him to get in my car and drive away. I’m sure he’ll eventually be on The One That Got Away list.

~GTiL

No lifeguard needed

I’ve been affectionately referring to one of my men as The Pool Man. I met him about 10 months ago at one of my favorite restaurants in town. My friends love the place so we happened to “run into” him rather often. He’s charismatic, charming, always buys the drinks and looks great “on paper”. He’s the son of a former Diplomat and was born in the U.S. but spent most of his first 25 years abroad in Europe and has a sweet accent to prove it. He speaks multiple languages and has 3 degrees and works for the government = money maker!

He’s 10 years older than me so for a while I was playing the “kiss ’em and leave ’em” game every time I saw him. Finally a few months ago I gave in and went home with him after a night of drinking. He drives a beautiful car, lives in a beautiful house and has a huge, glorious bed and the best in-ground pool I’ve ever skinny dipped in.

I never knew until that night that I completely blew his mind – This man absolutely adores me. He’s the conservative type when it comes to sex but I do enjoy that he gets right down to business and does not play games with what he wants – I’ve barely seen the rooms in his house but I sure know the bedroom well. I’ve never seen anyone take my clothes off so fast!

He needs some foreplay lessons that might help turn up the heat a little more but I have no other complaints otherwise. After a few nights of sex after meeting up at the bar I proposed a skinny dip in his pool – that’s what he gets for bragging about it! And it’s always been on my sexual Bucket List.

It was my first attempt at sex in a pool and it was an unforgettable experience. There’s things you can do with your body (thanks to buoyancy) that can never be done on land! I’m glad we are both good swimmers because we both graduated to the “deep end” with great pleasure.

I’m really having fun with Pool Man and I hope it continues. He did make the mistake of saying “I’m so in love with you” one morning after some great sex. Sigh. I might have to live up to my heartbreaker reputation once again.

~GTiL

I went to France for the weekend

I was “set up” with a French man by a friend. I was pretty skeptical at first but decided to give it a whirl. She said he was a really great guy and she was right! He has the tall, dark and handsome thing going for him and I swear I could kiss him for hours – and I did.

He’s incredibly athletic – he runs, plays tennis, mountain bikes and swims. All great qualities for being really great in bed. He has the natural body of a tri-athlete without even trying. Did I mention he’s a great kisser?

I’ve never had anyone touch me the way he does, it turns me on in ways I can’t even describe. He will run his fingertips all over my body in ways that make me want scream with pleasure. He can bring every sense in my body to attention in seconds. And everything sounds so much sweeter when he says it in French. At first I thought he didn’t really know his way around the playing field of a woman’s body but he’s learned a lot about me and what I like over the past year. And did I mention he’s a great kisser?

He’s been my guiltless pleasure for the past two years. He’s super fun to travel with and has the same sarcastic sense of humor that I have. The way he looks at me from across the table at dinner makes my heart melt. I think we both have very strong feelings for each other, and in some shape or form really do love each other, but we will never admit it. I wish he would stay and get his Green Card because he’s a great kisser.

He’s made it clear that he doesn’t like hearing about me being with other men, but yet we both know making a commitment to each other is unlikely. We did make a promise to each other that we will continue having fun together until something changes – Which is my kind of compromise! One of our favorite places to go is the beach. I’ve put it on my love bucket list to have sex with him at some point while on a beach. I’d love it just for the memory.

And he’s a fabulous kisser.

~ GTiL