The Dilemma

Strivetwosucceed, a fellow WordPress blogger, read my post Ghosts of Dating Past and asked me an interesting question that was already on my mind:

What do you need to know about the other person to move from “casual dating” to something more substantial?

I’ve been wondering that myself, as there is a Something Serious candidate in my life at the moment, and I go back and forth about whether I want to be in a substantial relationship at this point in my life. The Potato Chip Theory of Dating would suggest that I don’t. And yet.

What makes a Something Serious candidate is his character. Character trumps nearly everything else, because it is immutable. Behavior can change. Circumstances can change. But character stays the same, and it is shockingly rare for me to encounter a person who has the caliber of character than I’m looking for and who also doesn’t exhibit any of the Seven Deadly Sins of Dating.

Is it part of the human condition to simultaneously crave freedom from loneliness and complete independence? Or am I just fucked?

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

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The Seven Deadly Sins of Dating

The Bitches have all contributed to create “The Seven Deadlies“… deal-breaker traits often evident even on a first date! Can you add to our list? Have you had any experience with any of these Seven Deadlies? Have you ever committed one (or more that one)? If so, please comment and share!

THE 7 DEADLY SINS OF DATING

1.) Unavailable. Stuck on his ex. Totally immersed in work. Seeing other women. Married. Caught up in personal problems. In jail. Overseas. Gay (obviously, deal-breaker only for straight people!). Addictions.

2.) Apathy. Boring. Uninterested in me. No ambition, drive, or imagination. No skills or ability to challenge someone for opinions. Incapable of making a mark in society.

3.) No attraction. OK, you can’t help what your mama gave you. But the way you present yourself, the worth you place on yourself, and your character shine through and can make a plain person extremely magnetic. Looks really aren’t everything, even if first impressions are! The presence of any of the 7 Deadlies can make even the most gorgeous person unattractive.

4.) Inauthentic.  Lack of self-awareness. The “slick” guy. Hypocrisy. Insincerity. Passive-aggressiveness. Dishonesty.

5.) Inconsideration. Monopolizing the conversation. Rude to the waiter. Oblivious to my comfort/discomfort. Making jokes in poor taste. Checking your phone. Road rage. Selfishness, arrogance, or making assumptions about what I’m thinking.

6.) No Spine. Lack of confidence. Desperation. Trying too hard to please. Running yourself down. Being “too nice.” Always apologizing for everything. Clingy. The 10,000 texts/calls syndrome. Inability to make decisions or think for yourself. Allowing someone else to run your life for you. Mama’s boys.

7.) Controlling/Inflexible. Steering actions and thoughts to his advantage. No attempt to try new things but instead always having to have it “his way.” Unfortunately, this is one isn’t always apparent on a first date, as most people are on best behavior when they first meet you. But if you observe carefully there are often red flags.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws), with Globe Trotter in Lingerie & Not Yer Bitch