Happy Birthday to me!

I’ve been a slacker on the blog because I’ve been having a little too much fun! I’m long overdue on an update on my sexual shenanigans. It all started with the inevitable birthday celebration …

As usual, we ended up at the local Mexican place and Rico Suave joined us in the festivities. A pitcher of Margaritas and a soulful serenade of Feliz Cumpleaños later, I was headed home for the night. Birthdays during the week suck because I have to work!

Still feeling the ambition of the tequila I decided to take the dog for a short walk. Upon my return, I was met at the end of the drive by Mr Rico Suave making a bootie call. Why the hell not?  It’s my birthday … and I can never say no to foreign men. He has the most compelling grin and devilish eyes.

He’s such an instant turn-on for me, I think my pants were half off by the time we got into the house. It was quick and dirty, but really great sex for two drunks! LOL! He’s one of the best birthday presents a girl could ever have, even if he’s on the “casual sex” list.

~GTiL

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Are you magically delicious?

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day we have a Lucky Charms marshmallow sex quiz:

Green clovers:
You’re a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don’t take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you.

Blue diamonds:
Your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you’ll get later. “If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?” is probably what’s going through your mind.

Orange Stars:
You expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time.

Pink hearts:
You’re the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he’s too distracted to form coherent phrases, you’ll settle for romantic syllables.

Purple horseshoes:
Your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes–she’s likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you’re not looking and who knows what could happen next?

Yellow Moons:
You’re more interested in satisfying your partner’s needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them.

Those little oat bits that aren’t marshmallows at all:
You probably don’t like sex anyway and don’t need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music.

Friends with benefits, so sooooooo many benefits

Hate me all you want for not writing for so long if you must; but if you want a real reason to hate me, read on.

It took a while after my divorce was over for me to get back into the swing of things, at least in the bedroom.  After over 9 years “off the market” the idea of finding someone who seemed worthy of a romp, much less getting naked with someone I don’t know very well … yeah … horrifying at best.

If you have to ease your way back into bed with someone, I always never recommend doing it with someone who you consider to be one of your best friends.  I also rarely take my own advice so guess what?  Who would’ve known that a man I have come to adore for who he is and how he makes me laugh and smile, who is 8 years my senior, and totally not my normal type … would be a rockstar in bed like I can not even express.

I’ll admit that sparks had been flying for some time.  Our version of fun together is breaking into abandoned, partially destroyed, and wildly unsafe buildings … to take pictures.  That’s smart … and a nice way to get the adrenaline juices flowing freely.  It didn’t take long for the innuendos to start flying between us, thick enough to cut with a knife.  Everyone who spent time with us asked if we were together, some even made comments about us needing to be separated via means such as fabric softener or pry bar.

But leave it to me to spin off a fantasy sexual relationship with a man who has a girlfriend.  So I did my best to behave—I suck at that.  After a few clearly intentional touches  from him on a very early, very cold, very abandoned Sunday morning, I made up my mind that at some point I would make that epic first post-divorce move and plant one on this guy.  I mean seriously, what did I have to lose?  A few days passed and he came for dinner.  We hung out for a while and in a random moment of silently looking at each other (and with the encouragement of half a bottle of Jim Beam) I literally announced “Fuck it!” out loud and then lunged across the room at him.

As if the fact that I had strong feelings for this guy wasn’t enough to complicate my barely post-divorce mind, he surprisingly not only accepted my advance but dove in head first.  Clothes flying in all directions, limbs tangled up, tongues and hands and lips running over skin like months worth of sexual tension had just broke.

I shit you not—THREE hours later—he was still going.  I on the other hand, was used to a “15 minute fuck and roll over” with my ex—I was a twisted combination of exhausted and so hooked it wasn’t even funny.

*NOTE TO WOMEN*  If you aren’t gonna give your man what he wants, the way he wants it, and make him squirm, moan and say “holy fuck” when he’s done, someone else will.  Apparently, I’m that someone.  Yeah I’m a dirty whore.  Guess what? I’m okay with it.

So its been just about a month and a half since my 3-hour-romp with an older man (who I adore) that has a 7-year-long relationship with a girlfriend who has NO idea there’s something going on.  I have a God given talent to ignore my conscious and a incredibly threadbare moral fiber which has allowed me to continue taking this guy into my bed for hours on end, sometimes 3 times a day.  It’s worth every second of it.  Gotta keep my heart and head in check, but that is a story (and a guy) for another day.

~Not Yer Bitch (but on occasion I’ll be his!)

Fantasy Fulfilled

Submitted from our guest blogger “Sexy Legs”:

I have a friend that I have known for years. Somehow recently though that friendship morphed into an online “friends with benefits” type relationship – not sure how or what made the relationship shift but I’m not complaining. Sexting and pictures kept building an attraction and desire for each other that I never thought would get to be fulfilled.

This man turns me on like no other has! Just hearing his voice as he’s telling me things he wants to do to me makes me wet. And my, what an imagination! He seems to never run out of ideas for fun. Funny, smart and sexy… a triple threat to be sure.  Much to both our surprise a circumstance came up to present an opportunity for us to meet in person and indulge ourselves in every naughty thought or idea we had dreamed of doing to each other and so we both jumped on it.

I have to say it is the single best sexual experience I have ever had. As it replays in my head again and again I feel like I lived a fantasy and wonder if it was even real.

We met at a hotel. I had dressed in an outfit I knew he would love – heels, short skirt with no panties and low cut top (no bra of course). I had a suitcase with me packed with all the “accessories” that he had requested for our weekend of fun. I met him in the lobby where he greeted me with a chaste kiss but a wicked glimmer in his eyes.

I followed him up to the room and there were only seconds between the time I let go of my suitcase and the time I found myself pinned to the wall being kissed. After several moments of frenzied kissing he ripped my shirt open, thank goodness for snaps, and started kissing down my neck and my breasts as his hand worked his way up my skirt finding the center of me and began rubbing and teasing my clit.

My hands reached for his pants because there was way too much fabric between us. He paused just long enough to take of his shirt before he resumed kissing and groping and sucking and flicking. I finally got his pants off and freed his cock which was exactly what I was wanting. He lifted me up and plunged himself deep in me fucking me right there against the wall.

The feeling was incredible to have him pumping in and out of me while kissing me hard and keeping me pinned to the wall. I didn’t last very long at all and the first orgasm of many those 2 days washed over me. He carried me from the wall over to the bed and laid me down and flipped me over to continue fucking me from behind, pinning me down to the bed, and giving me the occasional hard smack on the ass. I came again and this time he came with me. What an awesome start to the weekend! I honestly don’t remember thinking one coherent thought other than MORE! I was just consumed by passion and enjoying the feel of him.

The rest of the weekend continued like that with that much passion. I remember each encounter vividly and remember thinking I just could not get enough of this man. I wanted more skin to touch, more kisses, more of his cock, and he certainly gave me what I wanted. I lost count of the number of orgasms I had other than it was in the double digits. But the best thing is how we  easily transitioned from our friendship to lovers many times over the course of those 2 nights.

I eliminated the word no from my vocabulary and allowed him to indulge his imagination. This is a decision I will never regret. The man flipped every switch I had and I’m pretty sure installed a few new ones. Even when he was tired he made most excellent use of my toys to continue to give me as much pleasure as I could handle … and more.

He knows his way around a woman’s body and how to build the excitement to maximize the pleasure. He also knows exactly what he likes and what turns him on and the confidence to just say it which is so damn sexy to me. With him I felt like could be completely uninhibited for the first time in my life and it was such a liberating feeling.

The best part is we parted still friends with really no awkwardness at all. The whole experience was so much better beyond what I expected. Would I fuck him again given the chance? That would be a resounding HELL YES!! But even if that never happens I have the most awesome memories that are sure to give me wet dreams for years to come.

~ Sexy Legs (Guest Blogger)

Things that make you wet

From our honest and loyal Facebook fans with a few of my own thrown in there too.

– Men in kilts
– Innocently bending over when he’s looking
– Bald men with tattoos
– Sucking on my fingers
– Humming in my ear
– Lightly blowing on my neck and ears
– Licking me like a lollipop
– Pulling my hair
– Feather light touches
-Kissing my stomach
-Biting my neck when we’re doggie style
– A normal text turns into sexting
– Knowing you shouldn’t do something and not stopping
– Making them say what they want even though you already know
– When he runs his finger down my spine
– Nibbling in all the right places
– Knowing someone else might be watching you
– Whisker burn
– Biting my lip
– Still smelling him on the pillow afterward

Check us out here on Facebook  http://www.facebook.com/orgzmicvitality and Twitter http://twitter.com/OrgzmicVitality

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Victim of Sexsomnia?

Sex Kitten (with Claws) and I were chatting about previous lovers one night and we started talking about The Egyptian. He had a few tendencies that I’d never seen in a lover before. When we were in bed he would be fully asleep  but yet would “hump” me from behind or even masturbate and never wake up. He was an incredibly sound sleeper and I’m a light sleeper so this was obviously a problem. Sometimes I was only getting 4-6 hours of sleep per night over a string of 4 nights or so. It made me incredibly crabby and over-tired.

I never made light of the issue but he would never take me seriously when I told him about it. He actually thought I was being “mean” and picking on him. He flat out said I was lying and never believed me. Then I read about Sexsomnia:

Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a rare condition where a person engages in sexual activity during sleep. This can involve masturbation, or initiating sexual contact with a partner.

I’d be interested to hear comments or stories about anyone’s experiences with this. For curiosity sake.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

The making of the best porn movie ever

There is one man in my life that makes me incredibly wet and horny as hell. He’s on my short-list of Best Sex Ever. I didn’t know it on our first encounter, but it’s an ill-fated relationship because he’s married. I always vowed never to be “the other woman” but now I’m officially a dirty bitch – but for this one, I don’t care.

Rico Suave is a real-life fantasy and I’m in total ecstasy when I’m with him. He’s 9 years younger than me and Mexican. He’s totally ripped in his arms and chest and has a very grab-able and lick-able ass. He has the most beautiful smile and is 100% man but without the ego – I don’t think he has any idea how hot and fuck-able he is.

I’ve known Rico Suave for almost 3 years and I recently saw him on a night out celebrating a birthday with friends. He is always a flirt with me and I was pleasantly surprised to see his car in my driveway when I got home.

If there is anyone who I might fantasize about it’s Rico Suave. There is so much passion and lust between us I feel like I’m in the hottest porn movie ever made. We went into my house and started kissing in the kitchen. He immediately went to my neck and breasts and then started pushing me toward the bedroom kissing me the whole way.

I barely remember him taking my clothes off or me undoing his. Within a minute his fingers were plunging into my wetness and I was moaning in pleasure. He pushed me onto the bed and teased me more with the tip of his hard cock and then thrust into me when he could not take any more.

He turned me and teased me from behind and I lifted my hips and he pushed in doggie style. I braced with my hands to make him go deeper and he pulled my head back with my long locks and teased me with his fingers to send me into a blissful orgasm.

I was completely lost in a world of ecstasy and eroticism at this point. He laid on his back and I covered him with my body teasing him with my erect nipples and wetness. I teased up and down his hard cock and then pushed down, letting him fill me. He held my breasts and I rocked my hips to yet another amazing orgasm.

He wasn’t done yet (thank goodness for younger men!) and he put me on my back and pushed into me. His body was slick with sweat and his muscles were pulsing and trembling as I ran my hands over him. I gripped his arms and wrapped my thighs around him to push him deeper into me. We both rode in rhythm until he exploded inside me and our flesh and muscles were twitching.

By far, some of the best sex I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to see my Rico Suave again. Every woman deserves to have sex this amazing at least once!

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time

sex toyOne of my dear, happily-married friends decided to rep a sex toy business for a little extra income (and obviously the fringe benefits). It was always discreet and she sometimes did “couple” parties that were a lot of fun. One night she had an all-women but “older” women group. The ladies were open to her suggestions and having a good time. After her presentation one of the ladies pulled her aside and said “I’m 50 years old, widowed and I’ve never had an orgasm”.

Without pause, my friend put her arm around her and said “well then, you’ve come to the right place!” It was really hard to hold in her astonishment but she vowed to rock this woman’s world after hearing this. And she did!

The woman bought a small vibrator that came highly recommended from everyone at the party. Within a few days my friend received an ecstatic phone call from her exclaiming that new little toy had taken her to a whole new world!

I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks. 🙂

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

I found the French hot button

Maybe I could even re-name it the “Easy Button” because that’s a good way to describe it = Sucking my fingers while he fingers me. I feel like I won the orgasm lottery!

Sex with him is slow, intense, deep and deliberate … And leaves me breathless. The passion in our bodies is so overwhelming I can barely put it into words. I love it when his arms and abs get hard when he’s pushing into me. I want to stop time when I’m naked with him – turn up the music, pull me in, because I want an overdose of this man!

After dinner and a movie we decided to hit a club for dancing and a few drinks. I loved feeling him get hard under his jeans in public. And even more fun to have everyone watch us dance “dirty” and tease each other – and the quintessential “I’m fucking you later” look.

The plus side of this is that I know he’s amazing in a hundred ways but the downside is that I have to keep saying goodbye. In the two years we’ve known each other, we’ve never made “plans” for a future visit. This time he asked if he could come back in January. I said yes … in a frighteningly committed way.

As they say: “Never go back to an old love, it’s like reading a book over and over again when you already know how it ends.” I know how this ends, but it’s a best-seller in my heart and always on my bookshelf.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Waking up in the arms of a French man

Sex Kitten is pissed at me but I think she’ll get over it. The French Man came back for a visit. He usually surprises me with a day or two notice – I can’t complain about the inconvenience – he wrote the book on seduction tactics.

After a drink at a local wine and tapas bar we got home and he pushed me against the wall; light teases, fierce kisses, licking and intense massaging all over my body until I almost exploded. I can’t even describe how stellar this man is in and out of bed.

I’m a boob girl. I don’t mean other boobs, just my own. I really need a man with a boob addiction. Nothing sends me over the edge more than teasing my breasts. The Frenchie mastered the hot button on me during our morning sex adventure.

He was laying behind me with one hand under and around me teasing my nipple. The other hand was between my legs with light-as-a-feather fingers gliding over me while he was thrusting and pushing into me from behind. I shuddered and shaked … It sent me over the edge to ecstasy.

We’ve definitely mastered the art of morning sex. And the whisker burn was worth it.  Je vous remercie de tout cœur.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Help Wanted

Well, it’s raining outside today, but I’ve been absent from the blog due to a dry spell. My personal life is lacking in… personnel. You might say I’m short-staffed, that I’m having trouble filling the position, or that multiple lay-offs have resulted in a lack of getting laid. The summer fling with The Baptist has been flung, the Fall interlude with the Something Serious candidate withered on the vine, and October madness with the Geocacher became just plain madness. I mean, once neither of you can even be bothered to pretend to be interested in the other outside the bedroom… it’s pretty much over.

So. Applications are currently being accepted for seasonal employment. Candidates must have a backbone, a funny bone, a wishbone, and a boner.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

Size does count

I have yet to introduce The Man of My Dreams to the blog, but this was a recent conversation I had with him about The Boob Man and his limp penne pasta-sized penis.

Him: Oh, that whole post makes me feel much better about myself
GTiL: Ha ha! Good.
Him: I’ve only had my size questioned once and that was a nightmare…
GTiL: I’m sure she was full of shit. And hopefully without incriminating myself I can say that you are well above his league.
Him: All I can say is my length is above normal but I am not huge. I have also been told my girth is what most like.
GTiL: I agree that it’s more about girth than length. But I disagree with people that say “size doesn’t make a difference” Who the fuck are they kidding?
GTiL: It was hard for me to feel sorry for this guy because he sucked in bed. He almost deserved to have a small penis and he surely did not make up for it in other ways.
Him: I think that statement really means that if you are at least average you’ll be ok. I don’t think that statement is about the Penne Pasta guys.
GTiL: Ha! That’s true.
Him: I have a friend that complains about her husbands size all the time. I tell her that is what she gets for falling in love with the uniform and not the man in it.
GTiL: Wow, really? I don’t think I’d have the balls to complain about my husband’s penis size. And if it was not adequate I would not have a ring on my finger in the first place. Maybe I place too much importance on sex in a relationship?
Him: No you don’t and I have to admit I am very surprised she ever married this guy. She has a big addiction to sex and can’t figure out why she settled. She fell in love with a Navy man and that is as far as she looked I guess.
GTiL: There’s countless people in my life that have “settled” for the one they married. I’m really amazed by the numbers. I can’t do any relationship unless I’m completely infatuated and connected with someone – and the sex has to be damn good.
Him: So Penne boy is off that list I take it?
GTiL: Long gone!

What man does not like a blowjob?

I mean really, come on! The Boob Man said in no uncertain terms on our first and second dates that he was very much into giving but not receiving when it came to oral sex. I made a mental note of it but pushed to the side for more immediate and relevant matters. But then I had a light bulb moment … he expressed quite an urgency for it to be dark as soon as we started being intimate. And then I found my way to his penis. His size AA battery penis to be exact. Oh good grief he was tiny. I’m surely willing to work with things that are aroused and hard but this was a piece of over-cooked penne pasta in my fingers. Ugh! That was the end of that and I haven’t heard from him since. I love sex jokes … but not when the joke is on me!

~GTiL

Sexting Mad Libs

Yeah, the rumor is that I’m wearing the BDT for um, certain activities conducted over a weekend trip with The Geocacher. What happens at The Courtyard Marriott stays there, but with some imagination you can fill in the gaps with Sexting Madlibs!

You remember Mad Libs from when you were a kid, right? One person supplies a word for each blank, and then the other person reads the completed conversation back. I wonder if yours will be as fun and dirty as our actual conversation!

Geocacher: I thought you might be miffed because I couldn’t _________________ (verb). But you had me pretty _____________ (adjective).

Sex Kitten: Of the two of us, I will take the _______________ (choose one: credit/blame) for ________________ (verb -ing). You were ________________ (adjective) and I didn’t feel ____________________ (adj) or __________________ (adj) at all.

Geocacher: There was a moment when I was glad you _______________ (past tense verb). But just imagine what we could do with _____________ (noun), ________________ (plural noun), and a __________________ (noun)! LOL!

Sex Kitten: So, favorite _____________________ (plural noun)?

Geocacher: One was when you __________________ (past tense verb) my _______________________ (body part).

Sex Kitten: I could have guessed that from your response!

Geocacher: The other was when you put my ______________________ (body part) in your ______________________ (body part). Unbelievable. I almost ______________________ (past tense verb) in my ____________________ (item of clothing).

Sex Kitten: Lucky man. You’ve met a girl who likes _______________________ (verb -ing). But I don’t care for _________________ (verb-ing). That has always seemed ___________________ (adj) to me.

Geocacher: I’ve never met a women who would let me ______________________ (verb) on her ____________________ (body part). The closest was __________________ (adj) ______________________ (noun), but that’s another story. LOL!

Sex Kitten: Well, think about it. Unless you like a girl to ___________________ (verb) on your _____________________ (body part) or something, it seems pretty _____________________ (adj) and ________________ (adj).

Geocacher: I understand. No ___________________ (verb-ing). And ___________________________ (verb-ing) is also off-limits! But you women have more ______________ (plural noun). Men just have ______________________ (noun).

Sex Kitten: Would you believe me if I told you I never ______________________ (past tense verb) or ________________ (past tense verb)?

Geocacher: Seriously? That’s not normal!

Sex Kitten: I’ve got to ________________________ (verb) now.

Geocacher: And I need a _____________________ (adj) ____________________ (noun) before I _______________ (verb).

Sex Kitten: I don’t envy you!

So, you like sexting, do you? Check out The Art of the Dick Pic, Funny Texts with Strangers, Texting 101 for Dating Men, and Best of: Texts Actually on my Phone Right Now

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

The Dilemma

Strivetwosucceed, a fellow WordPress blogger, read my post Ghosts of Dating Past and asked me an interesting question that was already on my mind:

What do you need to know about the other person to move from “casual dating” to something more substantial?

I’ve been wondering that myself, as there is a Something Serious candidate in my life at the moment, and I go back and forth about whether I want to be in a substantial relationship at this point in my life. The Potato Chip Theory of Dating would suggest that I don’t. And yet.

What makes a Something Serious candidate is his character. Character trumps nearly everything else, because it is immutable. Behavior can change. Circumstances can change. But character stays the same, and it is shockingly rare for me to encounter a person who has the caliber of character than I’m looking for and who also doesn’t exhibit any of the Seven Deadly Sins of Dating.

Is it part of the human condition to simultaneously crave freedom from loneliness and complete independence? Or am I just fucked?

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)