Testing My Self Control

I’m consistently tempted by all the naughty things in life. I thrive on that moment where I’m thinking “I really should not do this”. I’d rather have fun and deal with the consequences later.

I found one of these opportunities while attending an out-of-town seminar for my company. When I introduced myself he tipped his chin and smiled mischievously at me – he was one of the presenters and a coworker that I’d never met before – this could get really interesting.

He was exactly the kind of man that I’m really into. Someone who can intellectually spar with me and drive me to laughter with his great sense of humor. He’s a whiz in our industry and has a charismatic nature that I’m immediately drawn to.

By the second day he was already physically flirty at the seminar dinner. I loved the way he put his hand on my shoulder when he got up to leave the table and brushed his fingers across my neck. After four glasses of wine I was game.

We walked over to my hotel room and he wasted no time in making the first move – a total turn-on for me. His whiskers burned my skin as he kissed me harder and harder saying he wanted to “ravage me”.

He pushed himself into me. I bit his lip and felt him instantly get hard through my dress. He pushed my hand down his torso and felt his erection pulse and throb meanwhile that little voice inside of me was saying “I really should not do this”.

He pulled at the strap on my bra and released my breast, kissing me all the way down my neck and chest. I was about the lose all my cares in the world and then he said “I really better go”.

He left. I went to bed still smelling him and thinking about what could have happened. Another one bites the dust. I’m pretty sure that was a good choice for both of our careers in our insanely conservative corporate life. But it’s not very fun!

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

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Friends with benefits, so sooooooo many benefits

Hate me all you want for not writing for so long if you must; but if you want a real reason to hate me, read on.

It took a while after my divorce was over for me to get back into the swing of things, at least in the bedroom.  After over 9 years “off the market” the idea of finding someone who seemed worthy of a romp, much less getting naked with someone I don’t know very well … yeah … horrifying at best.

If you have to ease your way back into bed with someone, I always never recommend doing it with someone who you consider to be one of your best friends.  I also rarely take my own advice so guess what?  Who would’ve known that a man I have come to adore for who he is and how he makes me laugh and smile, who is 8 years my senior, and totally not my normal type … would be a rockstar in bed like I can not even express.

I’ll admit that sparks had been flying for some time.  Our version of fun together is breaking into abandoned, partially destroyed, and wildly unsafe buildings … to take pictures.  That’s smart … and a nice way to get the adrenaline juices flowing freely.  It didn’t take long for the innuendos to start flying between us, thick enough to cut with a knife.  Everyone who spent time with us asked if we were together, some even made comments about us needing to be separated via means such as fabric softener or pry bar.

But leave it to me to spin off a fantasy sexual relationship with a man who has a girlfriend.  So I did my best to behave—I suck at that.  After a few clearly intentional touches  from him on a very early, very cold, very abandoned Sunday morning, I made up my mind that at some point I would make that epic first post-divorce move and plant one on this guy.  I mean seriously, what did I have to lose?  A few days passed and he came for dinner.  We hung out for a while and in a random moment of silently looking at each other (and with the encouragement of half a bottle of Jim Beam) I literally announced “Fuck it!” out loud and then lunged across the room at him.

As if the fact that I had strong feelings for this guy wasn’t enough to complicate my barely post-divorce mind, he surprisingly not only accepted my advance but dove in head first.  Clothes flying in all directions, limbs tangled up, tongues and hands and lips running over skin like months worth of sexual tension had just broke.

I shit you not—THREE hours later—he was still going.  I on the other hand, was used to a “15 minute fuck and roll over” with my ex—I was a twisted combination of exhausted and so hooked it wasn’t even funny.

*NOTE TO WOMEN*  If you aren’t gonna give your man what he wants, the way he wants it, and make him squirm, moan and say “holy fuck” when he’s done, someone else will.  Apparently, I’m that someone.  Yeah I’m a dirty whore.  Guess what? I’m okay with it.

So its been just about a month and a half since my 3-hour-romp with an older man (who I adore) that has a 7-year-long relationship with a girlfriend who has NO idea there’s something going on.  I have a God given talent to ignore my conscious and a incredibly threadbare moral fiber which has allowed me to continue taking this guy into my bed for hours on end, sometimes 3 times a day.  It’s worth every second of it.  Gotta keep my heart and head in check, but that is a story (and a guy) for another day.

~Not Yer Bitch (but on occasion I’ll be his!)

The Man of My Dreams

As if my love life wasn’t complicated enough, I had to then meet The Man of My Dreams. As they often say, you will find the most wonderful people when you are not looking or expecting it. I’m very much a day-dreamer and have an imagination that usually runs wild and causes me heartache. I never considered the idea that I might actually find the man I’ve dreamed up in my  head.

I think I’ve known all along that The Man of My Dreams would be witty, charismatic, intelligent, kind, humble, quirky, very good looking and very sexually adventurous. I feel like I’ve known him all my life. We talk almost every day and aren’t afraid to share anything with each other. I feel like he knows me better than most of my friends and family. We relate to each other well because we are in the same career and regularly share experiences, ideas and tragedies with each other. I always feel we have a great deal of respect for one another even though we don’t always agree. He puts up with my sarcasm and attitude, he even banters with me and has an incredibly forgiving and kind soul.

I’m incredibly drawn to him both mentally and physically — an undeniable attraction and connection. He has a bad boy look that is a total turn-on for me. I love the sound of his voice and wish I could talk to him for hours. I’ve never kissed him but I can pretty much guarantee we’d have freakishly amazing sex. The biggest problem?  He’s on the If Onlys list — he’s unobtainable — for multiple reasons.

He asked me once if I could have one day with him without ever effecting our lives if I would take it. I told him “no” out of sheer self-preservation. I lied. There’s no way I could say no to that if I was lost in the moment.

He claims he was one of the “quiet, anti-social kids” growing up. He never went to Prom and rarely dated women. Which is ironic because he talks non-stop and has an incredibly intriguing sexual past. If there was one thing I could relive with this man, I’d want to take him to Prom. I can only imagine the temptation of this man in a tux would do to me. And the sexual fantasies that I’ve had with him and me in a dress would rock my world.

I’m not even sure what I like best about him. Whatever it is, it just blows me away. It’s just him. He knows he’s #1 on my list but he also knows I’m desperately seeking his replacement — if he exists.

This growing list of If Onlys is really starting to break my heart.

~GTiL

The Perfect Gentleman

The Perfect Gentleman is actually hard for me to think and write about. He’s someone I’ve known for a few years but he’s not physically close to me. We talk on the phone all the time, text and keep track of each other over social media.

He’s on my dubious list of If Onlys in my life. He’s very tall, dark and adorable … and racially different which is such a heart-stopper for me. He’s quirky and sassy but very much always The Perfect Gentleman. He always insists on paying for everything, opening doors and treating me like a queen — and would probably buy me an island if he could afford to. He’d do anything for me and the way he looks at me makes me melt. The great part is that we feel the same way about each other … the terrible part is that he’s 4 states away.

We had a missed opportunity to see each other last weekend. I guess I better get used to disappointment with this one, which hurts more because he’s so fun. He’s incredibly passionate and intense sexually and can turn me on instantly. He has a great sense of humor and actually playfully smacked my ass at the bar when I sassed at him about something. He apologized profusely because he’s The Perfect Gentleman, but if I let him know how much it turns me on, he’d never let me leave.

Complication is exciting right? I know I should not hold out for this one but I sure hope my next adventure with him is soon. If Only he was not 900 miles away. I’m terrible at goodbyes. I think it took me an hour of kissing and holding him to get in my car and drive away. I’m sure he’ll eventually be on The One That Got Away list.

~GTiL