Puzzle Pieces of Relationships

Submitted from our guest blogger “Sexy Legs”:

Trying to find the right mate can be a lot like putting a puzzle together. It starts off a jumbled mess of random pieces that you want to assemble to create something beautiful. You look at the picture on the box to see where the pieces are supposed to fit until the image is complete.

Finding the right relationship is very similar. We all have the picture in our heads of what our perfect relationship is. As we meet new people and date we get closer to completing that image. We learn which pieces fit where, find some that don’t seem to belong anywhere, some that fit only on two sides, continuing the process until there is only one piece left. Though the process is tedious, we learn from it. Things we like, things we don’t, and all the while the image of that “perfect” relationship ideal becomes clearer and clearer as we add each puzzle piece. One day, that certain person comes along that is like the “last” puzzle piece. The one that fits perfectly in that spot and completes the image and makes it reality.

When they kiss you for the first time and you feel the electricity to your toes. When you hold each other and your bodies meld together, and the curves of your bodies just mold to each other. When you make love and it seems like you move as one. Effortless, just like that last puzzle piece. There is no need to twist or manipulate the piece to try to make it fit, it just slides into place completing the picture you have in your head.

I seem to have found my last puzzle piece. The person who just ” fits” on all sides. I continue to be amazed at how effortless the relationship has evolved. I had always heard people talk about someone being the yin to their yang but honestly thought it was all bullshit. I was a confirmed cynic when it came to love and romance.

I had been in serious relationships before, even been married, but never have I felt the “click” that I felt when I met this man. I could almost hear that last piece snapping into place. On every front we fit: companionship, ideals, values, and passion. It all just works with no effort at all and it feels wonderful.

So next time you have that bad date, or horrible breakup, just think that you are one piece closer to finishing your puzzle and finding that last perfect fit.

~ Sexy Legs {guest blogger}


Evolution of online dating

It’s funny how my online dating experiences have evolved and I also see it in other profiles.

There’s that guy that is so possessive of himself that he gives off this giant “chip on the shoulder” attitude in his profile. He’s so adamant about a woman not “changing” him that he just puts it all out there. He’s the “I burp, I fart, I don’t have a job, I live with my mother and I don’t care what the fuck you think” kind of guy. I’m glad he’s confident in himself but I can’t imagine him ever giving a shit about me enough to even go on a date with that kind of attitude. What’s the point of even having a profile if you just want to be with yourself?

I consistently see folks that write “no drama and no games” in their profiles. How realistic and likely is this? Just because they met someone and fell for them hard and then got their heart broken they have now labeled it as a “game”? Perhaps the other person just didn’t see the world like they do and was unable to return the same feelings, emotions or physical connection. What is wrong with that?

Why would you WANT to be with someone that did not feel the same about you? Breaking up is hard but a necessity at that point – hearts mend over time. Don’t get mad because someone isn’t “right” for you.

The most boring clichés of online profiles:
– I’m laid back
– I’m easy-going
– I work hard and play hard too
– I don’t want drama or games
– I have a great sense of humor
– I’ve never done this before and I’m “just looking”

And then there’s the quintessential bathroom self-portrait … those just kill me. At least meeting people in bars was social interaction, with this online stuff I feel like I’m only getting lucky with my computer screen.

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Things that make you wet

From our honest and loyal Facebook fans with a few of my own thrown in there too.

– Men in kilts
– Innocently bending over when he’s looking
– Bald men with tattoos
– Sucking on my fingers
– Humming in my ear
– Lightly blowing on my neck and ears
– Licking me like a lollipop
– Pulling my hair
– Feather light touches
-Kissing my stomach
-Biting my neck when we’re doggie style
– A normal text turns into sexting
– Knowing you shouldn’t do something and not stopping
– Making them say what they want even though you already know
– When he runs his finger down my spine
– Nibbling in all the right places
– Knowing someone else might be watching you
– Whisker burn
– Biting my lip
– Still smelling him on the pillow afterward

Check us out here on Facebook  http://www.facebook.com/orgzmicvitality and Twitter http://twitter.com/OrgzmicVitality

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time

sex toyOne of my dear, happily-married friends decided to rep a sex toy business for a little extra income (and obviously the fringe benefits). It was always discreet and she sometimes did “couple” parties that were a lot of fun. One night she had an all-women but “older” women group. The ladies were open to her suggestions and having a good time. After her presentation one of the ladies pulled her aside and said “I’m 50 years old, widowed and I’ve never had an orgasm”.

Without pause, my friend put her arm around her and said “well then, you’ve come to the right place!” It was really hard to hold in her astonishment but she vowed to rock this woman’s world after hearing this. And she did!

The woman bought a small vibrator that came highly recommended from everyone at the party. Within a few days my friend received an ecstatic phone call from her exclaiming that new little toy had taken her to a whole new world!

I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks. 🙂

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

My advice to men for online dating profiles

“I’m open to anyone” means you just want to get laid. Which is fine, that’s what most of us want in a relationship too, but for real buddy, have some standards.

Put some effort into your photos. Get a haircut, comb it and put some decent clothes on (that fit you) and then get a friend to take the shot. It’s not news to your friend you are single and they probably want you to get laid as much as you do. Do not take a photo of you sitting in your car or in the mirror of the Burger King bathroom. Have some standards. And for the sake of all women (and men) out there, keep your shirt on!

Smile in the picture … don’t scowl as if you’ve just been arrested. It’s really unattractive.

Don’t use photos of you hanging out at a bar with two hot chicks on either side of you … unless I’m one of the chicks it’s unimpressive.

Don’t type in ALL CAPS, no caps or without punctuation. I don’t care if you are on your “smart” phone … it’s clearly smarter than you at this point. And yes, grammar and spelling counts too.

Avoid the ridiculous clichés of “I’m a glass half full kinda guy” or “I’m gonna treat you like my queen” and “I’m not into playing games” and the classic “I’m a nice guy looking for a nice girl”. It’s all fucking boring and overused.

Your profile really is the first impression of who you are. If it’s short and impersonal it’s likely you will be overlooked and ignored. Be creative and have fun with it!

Good luck to you, it’s a jungle out there!


Flirt Like a Cowgirl

Being a horseback rider has serious perks when it comes to interacting with men. You can be honest and dirty at the same time. After all, how many women can legitimately end a phone conversation like this:

Gotta go. I’m about to ride the stallion and I’m going to need both hands.

Or how about innocently musing when you can tell he’s starting to glaze over listening to you talk:

You know, ass-less chaps is really a misnomer. All chaps are ass-less. (Thanks, GTiL!)

If he’s pissing you off:

I held down 3 colts for castration this morning. I’m not too tired to do one more.

He needs to be taken down a peg? Try:

Awww, honey, really… it’s so cute! The miniature pony’s is almost as little as yours.

But unless you’re into the really kinky shit, never let him see your collection of whips and spurs!

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

Cure for Hump Day Blues

Globe Trotter in Lingerie: How are you?

Sex Kitten: I think I caught your deep blue funk. How’re you?

GTiL: Wine, chocolate, and a good love story 🙂

SK: Hot Damn, girl! That’s how you are?! Or that’s your prescription for the blues?

GTiL: That’s your cure LOL

SK: Nah, I’m self-medicating… Italian & an Italian. Geocacher is taking me out to dinner tonight.

GTiL: Yum! In pursuit of my current circumstances, I’ve decided to be an ‘Evil Maiden’ for Halloween.

SK: So, what, you’re not dressing up? Lame.

GTiL: Bite me.

SK: That’s what he said….

Globe Trotter in Lingerie, every girl should be lucky enough to have a friend like you! 🙂

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

The Seven Deadly Sins of Dating

The Bitches have all contributed to create “The Seven Deadlies“… deal-breaker traits often evident even on a first date! Can you add to our list? Have you had any experience with any of these Seven Deadlies? Have you ever committed one (or more that one)? If so, please comment and share!


1.) Unavailable. Stuck on his ex. Totally immersed in work. Seeing other women. Married. Caught up in personal problems. In jail. Overseas. Gay (obviously, deal-breaker only for straight people!). Addictions.

2.) Apathy. Boring. Uninterested in me. No ambition, drive, or imagination. No skills or ability to challenge someone for opinions. Incapable of making a mark in society.

3.) No attraction. OK, you can’t help what your mama gave you. But the way you present yourself, the worth you place on yourself, and your character shine through and can make a plain person extremely magnetic. Looks really aren’t everything, even if first impressions are! The presence of any of the 7 Deadlies can make even the most gorgeous person unattractive.

4.) Inauthentic.  Lack of self-awareness. The “slick” guy. Hypocrisy. Insincerity. Passive-aggressiveness. Dishonesty.

5.) Inconsideration. Monopolizing the conversation. Rude to the waiter. Oblivious to my comfort/discomfort. Making jokes in poor taste. Checking your phone. Road rage. Selfishness, arrogance, or making assumptions about what I’m thinking.

6.) No Spine. Lack of confidence. Desperation. Trying too hard to please. Running yourself down. Being “too nice.” Always apologizing for everything. Clingy. The 10,000 texts/calls syndrome. Inability to make decisions or think for yourself. Allowing someone else to run your life for you. Mama’s boys.

7.) Controlling/Inflexible. Steering actions and thoughts to his advantage. No attempt to try new things but instead always having to have it “his way.” Unfortunately, this is one isn’t always apparent on a first date, as most people are on best behavior when they first meet you. But if you observe carefully there are often red flags.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws), with Globe Trotter in Lingerie & Not Yer Bitch

Force of Nature

My dear friend and Orgazmic Vitality mastermind and fellow blogger Globe Trotter in Lingerie is a force of nature when it comes to men. Every time we are out in public together,  if there are men around they are influenced by her presence.  She never has to do anything … she isn’t loud and flirty or overtly sexual or dressed slutty. But invariably the boys notice, and depending on their personalities they are soon staring, glancing, joining our conversation, challenging us to a game, asking if they know her. She’s like a planet or a star with her own gravity, and the male persuasion cannot help but orbit around her. I’m in awe of her. I’ve watched her in action many times, and I have no clue how she does it.

I mean OK, I have an idea. She’s drop-dead gorgeous for one. She exudes self-confidence and happiness. And she has that kind of Popular Girl vibe that immediately makes you want to be liked by her but secretly suspect you’re not quite cool enough for her.  I’m not sure if all that registers consciously with guys, but they are instinctively drawn to her.

Last night was no exception. We went out for Mexican and the waiter is all over her immediately (he and she have their own history, but I’ll let her fill you in about that if she wants to!). The bartender is hanging over the bar telling us about his disappointment that his hooker neighbor turned him down after he brought her flowers in favor of a friend of his that got her high on sugar that she thought was cocaine. The men sitting down the bar from us are sometimes sneaking looks and sometimes openly staring. And she’s reading me the flirty texts as they come in from the guy that she’s going out with for the first time on Saturday.

If she ever writes a How To book, I will be the first one in line to buy it.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

Texting 101 for Dating Men

The following are things he might say, and how you SHOULD respond.

A.) “I’m thinking about you now” = I have a total hard-on and I want you to come fix it.

B.) “What are you wearing?” = Even if you have dirty sweat pants and an oversize t-shirt on tell them something really good because they are horny as hell.

C.) “What are you doing right now?” = Of course you are “Thinking about you” and wearing something similar in your answer to B above, make it REALLY good and sexy.

D.) He sends you the quintessential dick pic with a message like “I want you right now baby” = No response is necessary. Dick pics are not attractive no matter how they are taken and men should know better. That’s really just a bad decision waiting to happen. Don’t end up wearing the BDT.


Chivalry is Dead, but Good Manners are Always “In”

I could fucking care less if you pull back my chair, open the car door, or take my arm when we cross the street. When I say I’d like to be treated as an equal, I’m not one of those women who want it both ways, crying Feminism! then smiling sweetly and pushing the bill for dinner across the table. I don’t think of myself as a girl, I’m a person. I very rarely use my sexuality to get special treatment, and when I do, I feel slightly disgusted afterward. I love men and I like flirting, but I have no patience for playing dumb or inept in a relationship. A confident, take charge type of guy is incredibly sexy, but I’m not going to shrink myself down… you will have to be that guy on your own!

Now, there is a difference between chivalry and consideration. I want you to respect me and show me care not because I am female but because you are a caring person that likes to make others feel good.

So please… introduce me when we run into someone you know. Ask me what music I’d like to listen to in the car. Pay attention when I speak and give me thoughtful gifts (not expensive… meaningful). Respect my opinions. If you don’t know what I like, ask. If I ask you to brush your teeth in the morning before you kiss me, fucking do it. Cheerfully. Bring me a glass of water without me having to ask for it. Notice when I do caring things for you. I was raised well and I am always looking for opportunities to do nice things for you. Could you please do the same?

If just once a guy would look into my eyes and ask “Can I do anything for you, darling?” after sex, it would blow my mind.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

Online Dating

Since January of this year, I have been on twelve (and counting!) first dates with men that I’ve met online. For an INFP (Myers-Briggs, go check it out if you haven’t already) like me, walking up to an attractive stranger in a bar and starting up a conversation is about as appealing as cutting off my own ears and eating them. So after spending my twenties either not dating at all or in one of two long(ish) term monogamous relationships, I decided that if I was going to try the dating lifestyle, I was going to need some help. Lacking The Perfect Wing Woman (I hadn’t met GTiL yet), I took a deep breath and signed up for online dating.

There are two things that I really like about meeting new people: one is finding a spark of familiarity in a stranger (makes the world seem friendlier and less lonely), and the other is discovering something new about a subject I haven’t thought much about before (makes the world seem wider and more exciting).

What I don’t like about meeting new people is how often I am disappointed by the lack of intelligence, curiosity, enthusiasm, and/or self-awareness that make so many people unappealing to get to know.

Sigh. It’s lonely in the top percentiles, and then you have to contend with the arrogance of intellectual snobs like me.

So many people had boring, uninspired or defensive things to say online… but at least I could weed them out with the computer screen as a buffer. While most first dates have not resulted in a second date, I am pleased to report that I have yet to go on a really unpleasant first date. My self-confidence has increased exponentially, from last-minute buying of shoes (because two hours before the date I realized every single pair I owned was totally unacceptable!) and shaking knees on that first January date to pitying the poor fool across the table from me sweating and shredding his napkin while I kindly helped him remember his first name.

Social skills are a learned behavior, not something extroverts are born with and the rest of us suffer without. Dating is like anything else: it takes practice. Online sites can act as a welcome icebreaker or introduction. But  before you invest your heart and soul or wet your panties corresponding ad naseum online… take him out for dinner and make sure he isn’t Fool’s Gold.

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)