As if my love life wasn’t complicated enough, I had to then meet The Man of My Dreams. As they often say, you will find the most wonderful people when you are not looking or expecting it. I’m very much a day-dreamer and have an imagination that usually runs wild and causes me heartache. I never considered the idea that I might actually find the man I’ve dreamed up in my head.
I think I’ve known all along that The Man of My Dreams would be witty, charismatic, intelligent, kind, humble, quirky, very good looking and very sexually adventurous. I feel like I’ve known him all my life. We talk almost every day and aren’t afraid to share anything with each other. I feel like he knows me better than most of my friends and family. We relate to each other well because we are in the same career and regularly share experiences, ideas and tragedies with each other. I always feel we have a great deal of respect for one another even though we don’t always agree. He puts up with my sarcasm and attitude, he even banters with me and has an incredibly forgiving and kind soul.
I’m incredibly drawn to him both mentally and physically — an undeniable attraction and connection. He has a bad boy look that is a total turn-on for me. I love the sound of his voice and wish I could talk to him for hours. I’ve never kissed him but I can pretty much guarantee we’d have freakishly amazing sex. The biggest problem? He’s on the If Onlys list — he’s unobtainable — for multiple reasons.
He asked me once if I could have one day with him without ever effecting our lives if I would take it. I told him “no” out of sheer self-preservation. I lied. There’s no way I could say no to that if I was lost in the moment.
He claims he was one of the “quiet, anti-social kids” growing up. He never went to Prom and rarely dated women. Which is ironic because he talks non-stop and has an incredibly intriguing sexual past. If there was one thing I could relive with this man, I’d want to take him to Prom. I can only imagine the temptation of this man in a tux would do to me. And the sexual fantasies that I’ve had with him and me in a dress would rock my world.
I’m not even sure what I like best about him. Whatever it is, it just blows me away. It’s just him. He knows he’s #1 on my list but he also knows I’m desperately seeking his replacement — if he exists.
This growing list of If Onlys is really starting to break my heart.