Since January of this year, I have been on twelve (and counting!) first dates with men that I’ve met online. For an INFP (Myers-Briggs, go check it out if you haven’t already) like me, walking up to an attractive stranger in a bar and starting up a conversation is about as appealing as cutting off my own ears and eating them. So after spending my twenties either not dating at all or in one of two long(ish) term monogamous relationships, I decided that if I was going to try the dating lifestyle, I was going to need some help. Lacking The Perfect Wing Woman (I hadn’t met GTiL yet), I took a deep breath and signed up for online dating.
There are two things that I really like about meeting new people: one is finding a spark of familiarity in a stranger (makes the world seem friendlier and less lonely), and the other is discovering something new about a subject I haven’t thought much about before (makes the world seem wider and more exciting).
What I don’t like about meeting new people is how often I am disappointed by the lack of intelligence, curiosity, enthusiasm, and/or self-awareness that make so many people unappealing to get to know.
Sigh. It’s lonely in the top percentiles, and then you have to contend with the arrogance of intellectual snobs like me.
So many people had boring, uninspired or defensive things to say online… but at least I could weed them out with the computer screen as a buffer. While most first dates have not resulted in a second date, I am pleased to report that I have yet to go on a really unpleasant first date. My self-confidence has increased exponentially, from last-minute buying of shoes (because two hours before the date I realized every single pair I owned was totally unacceptable!) and shaking knees on that first January date to pitying the poor fool across the table from me sweating and shredding his napkin while I kindly helped him remember his first name.
Social skills are a learned behavior, not something extroverts are born with and the rest of us suffer without. Dating is like anything else: it takes practice. Online sites can act as a welcome icebreaker or introduction. But before you invest your heart and soul or wet your panties corresponding ad naseum online… take him out for dinner and make sure he isn’t Fool’s Gold.
~ Sex Kitten (with claws)