Guy left my life abruptly on July 11th. He was moving back to his home state of New York and he told me two days before his move. He told me he anticipated getting back into the dark and glamorous gang life he had left behind years ago. He said he didn’t want me exposed to him in that context, which is why he was shutting off his phone and wouldn’t be in contact anymore.
I would have been really alarmed by all of this… if I believed it.
The thing about boys–even wicked smart boys like Guy–is that they tell really stupid lies. I’ve had a boy tell me he had gotten addicted to cocaine and then beat it, because he thought I might get back together with him. Another boy told me he had had two one-night stands because he didn’t want me to know he was a virgin. My college boyfriend told me he loved me… but we’ve all heard that one, right?
In Guy’s case, I suspect that the truth was much simpler: he did not want me in his life anymore because we were just friends and he wanted more. I know the second part of that statement is true because he told me so multiple times. The only part I’m guessing at is that he lied about moving as a last ditch effort to see if I would ask him to stay for me. I didn’t.
I do miss him, though. We talked almost every day and hung out several times a month from March to July. I’d never had a male friend with whom I could talk about dating, and we had some fabulously graphic conversations about sex. We also loved bashing online dating, since we originally met on a dating website. Here Guy decodes for me what men say online versus what they actually mean:
Me: My pet peeve is how many guys write “I’m just a laid-back guy who loves to laugh and have fun.”
Guy: He means have sex and giggle when he tells his friends the next day.
Me: “I don’t want drama & I treat my woman like a queen.”
Guy: He has baby mommas and wants to stay off child support. Baby mommas are the only drama guys have. If she’s just crazy, we’ll dump her.
Me: “What do you want to know, I’m just me. I’m totally unique. Whatever you want to know just ask.”
Guy: The first and last parts are legit. Turn the middle part into “I live with my mother still and quote Harry Potter and Star Trek at will.”
We also traded online dating horror stories and we agreed to tie for top honors. His was that a girl who saw his photo online holding his dog began calling him and it turned out that she was more interested in the dog. Yeah, that way. Mine was a guy who had knocked his two front teeth out with a chainsaw and was writing a pseudo-scientific treatise on how African Americans are subhuman. Thank god neither of us actually had to meet these losers before the bombshell dropped.
I am really grateful to Guy for helping me recover from a bad three week relationship with the first man I met online, Jose. He also gave me some really wonderful advice about my infatuation with Chris. Which was very generous of him given that he felt for me what I felt for Chris: unreturned (can I bring myself to say it?) love.
In the end, Guy was the braver of the two of us, even if he did lie. He followed his own wise advice to me much sooner than I was able to take it. His advice was to:
1.) Tell the person how you feel, regardless of how you know they will respond. Do it for yourself, for the sake of being honest with yourself.
2.) Let it go, let it go, let it go.
So I do not begrudge Guy his lie, if that’s what it was. I’m still struggling with part two myself.
~ Sex Kitten (with claws)