Best of: Texts Actually on my Phone Right Now

The following are excerpts from actual text conversations on my phone right now. I thought I might let some of The Boys speak in their own words. Which could be a good thing… or maybe not so much.


The Cinematographer: Hey hot sauce

Me: Hey sweet tea. Catch up on your sleep?

TC: yes ma’am, when can we meet up?

Me: Dinner tonight? Lunch tomorrow?

TC: problem is I work tonight & double shift tomorrow

Me: So tell me what works for you. Sunday?

TC: I have my last exam in my college career monday so need to reserve sunday to study

Me: So maybe I could buy you a drink to celebrate on Monday night?

TC: Sounds good

[Me, in my head: Why, WHY is scheduling a simple date like pulling teeth with some guys? Just tell me when & where you idiot! Do you think you’ll EVER get laid being such a milquetoast?! If I wanted to do this all by myself I’d get a vibrator and save on my phone bill. Sheesh.]

Want to get to know this one better? Yeah, join the club. But just like me, you’ll have to wait until Monday! UPDATE 8/28… still waiting… but you can learn more that you probably wanted to know about The Cinematographer in the post The Art of the Dick Pic.



Adam (The Baptist): I still haven’t picked which horror movie to make you watch yet.

Me: I am NEVER losing a bet to you again. You are enjoying this WAY too much!

Adam: Yeah, I know I will love your reactions unless you seriously start crying. You just have to remember: fear is fun!

Me: Aren’t good Christians supposed to show more compassion for their fellow man? Your behavior has got to be a sin of some kind.

Adam: I think there is something in the Bible about paying your debts.

Me: Darn! I knew I should have read it. But I think you’re doing a pretty selective interpretation there. Don’t they frown on gambling at all?

Adam: Ha… don’t gamble what you can’t pay. I would have paid if I had lost. But I didn’t… although it was too close. Scary close!

Me: What about pre-marital sex? How do you get out of that one? Thought the Bible was pretty clear on that one….

Adam: Hmmm

[Me, in my head: You better clear that up pretty damn quick, my friend! ‘Cause there’s only one time an atheist calls on God, and I’m thinkin’ I’d like your help with that sometime soon….]

Want to get to know this one better? Check back soon for an upcoming profile on THE BAPTIST.  I also talk about Adam in the posts My Own Worst Enemy, The Games We Play, and The BDT Weekend.



Chris (The Unattainable): Thanks again for calling last week. It means so much to me that such an incredibly sweet and lovely girl is concerned about me. I can’t help but look forward to seeing your smile again.

Me: I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I miss you terribly, but I want you to be happy more than I want you.

Chris: Stop it! Someone so damn foxy is prohibited from also being so generous. You’re making other hot girls look really, really bad.

Me: Hot girls aren’t used to rejection. We just can’t believe it unless you really spell it out. It would make this a lot easier for me if you could please be more of an asshole.

Chris: Agreed. I’ll be a supreme douchebag, if you’ll ugly it up. I wish I could do something for you, darlin’.

Me: You have. For better or worse, I’ve discovered a capacity for attachment I didn’t realize that I had. I’m not sure why, I mean you’re great, but that doesn’t totally explain why I’m so crazy about you. So… just by being you, you have taught me something about myself that I am glad to know.

Chris: Wow. I’m so selfish to enjoy hearing that from you.

Me:  I’m more courageous than I gave myself credit for: I’m not afraid to feel for someone or express those feelings. Even when I know I can’t have what I want. None of this comes with an implied obligation, either. I just want to tell you the full truth.

Chris: That’s not an easy thing to do. And I only feel obliged to worship you, that’s all. Oh, and for the record… your lips must be enchanted by magical love gnomes, because you are an amazing smoocher.

Me: Um, yeah… you didn’t notice that our first kiss ended up lasting like half an hour? I get flashbacks. It’s like PTSD without the downsides.

Chris: Me too. Whoever taught you to kiss deserves a mountain in his name.

[Me, in my head: Then why, WHY don’t you love me? How can you be so nice to me and not love me? How can I be so pathetic? HOW CAN I BE THIS PATHETIC over some geeky guy?!!]

Want to get to know this one better? See the post Profile: The Unattainable.



The Soldier: Hey there, this is your Prince Charming!

Me: You’re going to have to be more specific….

TS: Ouch. So r u a party girl?

Me: It’s actually really funny that I’ve given you that impression. I’m the opposite of a party girl.

TS: yeah, yeah, I bet u are just playing little miss innocent, but have this crazy wild side

Me: Well, there is an officer on your base that knows all the dirt on me….

TS: I’m concerned now. U sound like trouble.

Me: They say if you go looking for trouble, you will find it!

TS: Want to meet me at my place tomorrow?

Me: Now you’re getting ahead of yourself. I mean I did warn you I’m smart, right? Or did I just mention funny and cute? ‘Cause smart girls meet first dates in a public place.

TS: I was planning on a nice dinner downtown. Tell me, will I get bonus points with you if I wear cowboy boots?

[Me, in my head: Buddy, it’s going to take more than cowboy boots to help you at this point. Is it too early to start regretting this date?]

Want to get to know this one better? He was a ONE DATE WONDER. Check back soon for an entry on the men who never made it past the first date, including this one THE SOLDIER.


That’s all for now!  ~ Sex Kitten (with claws)


4 responses

  1. Umm…so I’ve decided Chris is either an ENORMOUS douchey self-absorbed player or he’s still hoping to move back and immediately marry you. Or sex you up real good for a long time. But…I’m leaning toward enormous douchebag. As much as he enjoys the compliments and conversation, he should cut you loose if he’s not coming back soon.

    • GTiL’s theory is that he is so nice he’s not nice. I think she’s right…. He doesn’t want to hurt me, but he doesn’t want to be with me enough to try a distance thing. He’s right of course… it wouldn’t work. But oh, I’m having trouble letting it go! Thanks for reading & commenting! I wish you the best in luck & love.

  2. Pingback: Sexting Mad Libs | Orgazmic Vitality

  3. Pingback: Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe…. | Orgazmic Vitality

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