Puzzle Pieces of Relationships

Submitted from our guest blogger “Sexy Legs”:

Trying to find the right mate can be a lot like putting a puzzle together. It starts off a jumbled mess of random pieces that you want to assemble to create something beautiful. You look at the picture on the box to see where the pieces are supposed to fit until the image is complete.

Finding the right relationship is very similar. We all have the picture in our heads of what our perfect relationship is. As we meet new people and date we get closer to completing that image. We learn which pieces fit where, find some that don’t seem to belong anywhere, some that fit only on two sides, continuing the process until there is only one piece left. Though the process is tedious, we learn from it. Things we like, things we don’t, and all the while the image of that “perfect” relationship ideal becomes clearer and clearer as we add each puzzle piece. One day, that certain person comes along that is like the “last” puzzle piece. The one that fits perfectly in that spot and completes the image and makes it reality.

When they kiss you for the first time and you feel the electricity to your toes. When you hold each other and your bodies meld together, and the curves of your bodies just mold to each other. When you make love and it seems like you move as one. Effortless, just like that last puzzle piece. There is no need to twist or manipulate the piece to try to make it fit, it just slides into place completing the picture you have in your head.

I seem to have found my last puzzle piece. The person who just ” fits” on all sides. I continue to be amazed at how effortless the relationship has evolved. I had always heard people talk about someone being the yin to their yang but honestly thought it was all bullshit. I was a confirmed cynic when it came to love and romance.

I had been in serious relationships before, even been married, but never have I felt the “click” that I felt when I met this man. I could almost hear that last piece snapping into place. On every front we fit: companionship, ideals, values, and passion. It all just works with no effort at all and it feels wonderful.

So next time you have that bad date, or horrible breakup, just think that you are one piece closer to finishing your puzzle and finding that last perfect fit.

~ Sexy Legs {guest blogger}

My sexual dating diatribe

Him:
So, what are you all about? What are you looking for on here?

Me:
Hmmm… that’s a loaded question. I’m not sure what I’m looking for on [insert ridiculous internet dating site name here] specifically … I have yet to find it.

From a life perspective, I’m looking for someone challenging enough to keep me interested; love life, sex and good times as much as I do — if it leads to more, then I’m interested. I’d love to be lost in a moment with someone and really have them care for me as much as I do for them … and be really sexually compatible.  I haven’t figured out if that’s too much to expect or realistic of another human being. Did I mention I like sex?

I’ve been deeply in love and I’ve had my share of flings that were as forgettable as a rainstorm. I’m okay with a great friend (with benefits) to spend time with too. After all, “dinner for one” night after night gets a little boring!

I keep giving it another shot until I find it. It’s the hard-headed redhead in me that refuses to give up. Bottoms up!

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Evolution of online dating

It’s funny how my online dating experiences have evolved and I also see it in other profiles.

There’s that guy that is so possessive of himself that he gives off this giant “chip on the shoulder” attitude in his profile. He’s so adamant about a woman not “changing” him that he just puts it all out there. He’s the “I burp, I fart, I don’t have a job, I live with my mother and I don’t care what the fuck you think” kind of guy. I’m glad he’s confident in himself but I can’t imagine him ever giving a shit about me enough to even go on a date with that kind of attitude. What’s the point of even having a profile if you just want to be with yourself?

I consistently see folks that write “no drama and no games” in their profiles. How realistic and likely is this? Just because they met someone and fell for them hard and then got their heart broken they have now labeled it as a “game”? Perhaps the other person just didn’t see the world like they do and was unable to return the same feelings, emotions or physical connection. What is wrong with that?

Why would you WANT to be with someone that did not feel the same about you? Breaking up is hard but a necessity at that point – hearts mend over time. Don’t get mad because someone isn’t “right” for you.

The most boring clichés of online profiles:
– I’m laid back
– I’m easy-going
– I work hard and play hard too
– I don’t want drama or games
– I have a great sense of humor
– I’ve never done this before and I’m “just looking”

And then there’s the quintessential bathroom self-portrait … those just kill me. At least meeting people in bars was social interaction, with this online stuff I feel like I’m only getting lucky with my computer screen.

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

the first and last date

I’ve been the queen of One Hit Wonders and they are so frustrating. Even in my supreme efforts to vet each and every man prior to that first meeting I’ve been striking out lately. It all started with a guy I met about a year ago at a bar …

My coworker and I decided to bring our laptops to a local pub since our building lost power in a storm. Why not work and drink, right? We were chatting it up and I decided to ask her feedback on my online dating profile. A few beers later we were sending sassy messages to men and laughing very loudly at the bar. A rather cute man sat down next to me and asked what was so funny. I showed him our drunken shenanigans and he joined in too.

A few hours later I’d completely hit it off with this guy at the bar! It turned out that we were in the same career and had a lot in common. He was well-spoken, my age and from outside appearances, a GREAT guy. We met up a few times at the same bar over the next week and got to know each other more. We busily exchanged text messages and silly things via Facebook. But then I had to get my running shoes on …

One night in a drunken stupor [a week after we met] he proclaimed his love for me via text message at 2 AM. I actually said out loud “Are you fucking kidding me?” and ignored it. His perpetual “you are so beautiful” and “you have a perfect life” comments had already started wearing thin on me. I graciously accepted his compliments but yet held on to my imperfect sensibility and humble immortality – I’m not Barbie!

When I confronted the “love text” the next morning he had plenty of excuses for the behavior. I think then he realized he just created the opposite of what he intended. I’m not quite sure that I’d say I’m monogamy-impaired but I sure don’t want that noose squeezing me after a week of knowing the guy.

It happened again last week! I’m talking to a man and we get along GREAT. Yet before we even meet, he’s talking about how amazing I am and that he can’t believe I’m single … and how he wants to take a trip with me in October.  What the fuck dude?! What happened to dating and the elusive chase? The physical gestures and “I’m fucking you tonight” looks? He killed the first date before it even happened. I can’t fall for someone I’ve never met – just can’t do it.

Where have all the great guys gone?  Oh yeah, they are taken… or too far away … or just plain old American.

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Testing My Self Control

I’m consistently tempted by all the naughty things in life. I thrive on that moment where I’m thinking “I really should not do this”. I’d rather have fun and deal with the consequences later.

I found one of these opportunities while attending an out-of-town seminar for my company. When I introduced myself he tipped his chin and smiled mischievously at me – he was one of the presenters and a coworker that I’d never met before – this could get really interesting.

He was exactly the kind of man that I’m really into. Someone who can intellectually spar with me and drive me to laughter with his great sense of humor. He’s a whiz in our industry and has a charismatic nature that I’m immediately drawn to.

By the second day he was already physically flirty at the seminar dinner. I loved the way he put his hand on my shoulder when he got up to leave the table and brushed his fingers across my neck. After four glasses of wine I was game.

We walked over to my hotel room and he wasted no time in making the first move – a total turn-on for me. His whiskers burned my skin as he kissed me harder and harder saying he wanted to “ravage me”.

He pushed himself into me. I bit his lip and felt him instantly get hard through my dress. He pushed my hand down his torso and felt his erection pulse and throb meanwhile that little voice inside of me was saying “I really should not do this”.

He pulled at the strap on my bra and released my breast, kissing me all the way down my neck and chest. I was about the lose all my cares in the world and then he said “I really better go”.

He left. I went to bed still smelling him and thinking about what could have happened. Another one bites the dust. I’m pretty sure that was a good choice for both of our careers in our insanely conservative corporate life. But it’s not very fun!

~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie

The Faux wine snob needs a cork in his …

Sex Kitten is still courting The Storyteller like he’s a babe in a stroller. I’m having a hard time getting over the fact that I was having sex with my first boyfriend and he was in diapers – it’s creepy.  I made dinner for the three of us and proceeded to down a bottle of Ménage à Trois at the dinner table. Fucking irony in a bottle!

One of my pet peeves is “faux snobs” that think they know everything about quality wines and beers and yet they pour themselves a Bud Light or a Sutter Home White Zinfandel. Classy, real classy. Does your mobile home have “rims” buddy? And he was desperately trying to convince me that Guinness is a great beer … after I already agreed on that fact. He must be Sherlock Fucking Holmes.

One of the first things in the dinner conversation was The Storyteller‘s previous endeavors as a “stripper”. I almost spit my wine out of my nose. He’s the furthest thing I’ve seen from stripper material I’ve ever seen in my lifetime. Do they work for pennies here? Half pennies? He did mention he hated tomatoes … now I know why. I would be throwing them at him for sure.

After that crazy dinner I lamented the fact that I have 4 married men that would fuck me, but yet no real promising single men waiting in the shadows. It’s getting a bit frustrating now. I desperately logged into my online dating accounts and returned some messages tonight. I guess I’ll see where that goes – they are all normal looking Americans.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

p.s. I forgot to give Sex Kitten the Bad Decision Tiara (BDT) back … she’s surely earned it on this one. Interesting that she can’t come up with a blog post but yet I’ve never heard a kind word spoken about him. Hmmmm?

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Just slip out the back, Jack.

Make a new plan, Stan.

No need to be coy, Roy.

Or as Globe Trotter in Lingerie says:

“Run. Make sure you weave in case you shoot. Of course, I’m usually the one doing the shooting.”

For my part, I am six weeks in with The Storyteller and blissfully happy, despite all practical considerations. Which makes for really shitty blog material!

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. 0 Reasons.

Happy Birthday to me!

I’ve been a slacker on the blog because I’ve been having a little too much fun! I’m long overdue on an update on my sexual shenanigans. It all started with the inevitable birthday celebration …

As usual, we ended up at the local Mexican place and Rico Suave joined us in the festivities. A pitcher of Margaritas and a soulful serenade of Feliz Cumpleaños later, I was headed home for the night. Birthdays during the week suck because I have to work!

Still feeling the ambition of the tequila I decided to take the dog for a short walk. Upon my return, I was met at the end of the drive by Mr Rico Suave making a bootie call. Why the hell not?  It’s my birthday … and I can never say no to foreign men. He has the most compelling grin and devilish eyes.

He’s such an instant turn-on for me, I think my pants were half off by the time we got into the house. It was quick and dirty, but really great sex for two drunks! LOL! He’s one of the best birthday presents a girl could ever have, even if he’s on the “casual sex” list.

~GTiL

Dating a Liar

See, the thing is that most people would list “honesty” as one of the top things they want in a partner. But in fact, everybody lies. We lie to avoid conflict, we lie to present ourselves in a better light, we lie to get what we want. So I’m not surprised when I catch a man in a lie. But sometimes the lies are so outlandish or so unnecessary that I am mystified. What on earth would possess an intelligent person to tell such a stupid fib?

The past three winners have told me A.) that he was doing cocaine but kicked the habit (trying to excuse bad behavior & get me back), B.) that he had slept with two girls when in fact he was a virgin (trying to avoid embarrassment), and C.) that he had a girlfriend, and then that he was moving to New York (trying to make me jealous and then trying to shock me into confessing my nonexistent feeling for him). All understandable motivations, so really what bothered me the most was that these guys would think that I would believe them. OK, I’m trusting, even gullible perhaps, but I’m not dumb.

Fast forward to this week, and I’ve gone on two dates with Jay. Let’s call him The Story Teller. If you believe everything he tells you, he’s lived an amazing life filled to bursting with exceptional experiences … home-schooled until he graduated from high school at 16 when he began college with the dream of becoming a surgeon, professional dancer, raped repeatedly as a child, engaged to be married twice by the age of 17 (once to a woman 10 years his senior, once to a girl pregnant with another man’s baby who miscarried when her father threw her down some stairs), ex-member of a cult (which he escaped by physically fighting his way out), experimented with gay sex, ex-stripper, twice attempted suicide, survived multiple drug overdoses and alcohol poisoning, now a dance instructor and aspiring professional pool player and psychology major and juvenile addiction counselor. And perhaps strangest of all, willing and eager even to talk about all of these things on a first and second date with a virtual stranger.

So if he’s lying, or at least strongly embellishing his life story, why? Is he a pathological liar that can’t help himself? Is his confidence so low that he thinks he needs to have all these tragic or exotic stories to be interesting? This is a 6’5″ well built, very attractive, well-spoken and well-written thoughtful and courteous 24 year old with a job(s), a car, and pursuing a masters degree. Granted, he lives with his parents but he’s 24 not 34 and going to school, so that’s not so bad.

I am utterly fascinated, totally bemused, and extremely wary. There will be no saying later that I didn’t see the red flags if it all blows up in my face. But I’m going down the rabbit hole… Liar or not, I’m hopelessly hooked.

So later, feel free to tell me, “I told me so.”

~ Sex Kitten (with claws)

Are you magically delicious?

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day we have a Lucky Charms marshmallow sex quiz:

Green clovers:
You’re a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don’t take anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you.

Blue diamonds:
Your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you’ll get later. “If he really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?” is probably what’s going through your mind.

Orange Stars:
You expect to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to watch themselves having a good time.

Pink hearts:
You’re the romantic type. You like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if he’s too distracted to form coherent phrases, you’ll settle for romantic syllables.

Purple horseshoes:
Your tastes are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes–she’s likely to pin you down with croquet hoops when you’re not looking and who knows what could happen next?

Yellow Moons:
You’re more interested in satisfying your partner’s needs than your own. You prefer to lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them.

Those little oat bits that aren’t marshmallows at all:
You probably don’t like sex anyway and don’t need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock music.

More than friends?

So I wrote, for the first time in ages, only a couple days ago … about my bestie guy friend and our killer sex life behind his serious girlfriend’s back.  Well let me tell ya (and trust I will go back and write about my FF and his huge fucking hose soon) things have taken a HARD CORE left turn … er right turn … not entirely sure.

Let me start with this … I adore this man.  He rocks my world in so many ways its not even funny.  He is the ONE person I know I can be ME totally ME around.  In all my geeky retarded splendor.  Oh yeah.  He likes me for the stupid me.  Those guys are few and far between.

So here is this guy, so perfect it’s like I was cut from his missing rib, but so far from my type it would make your head spin.  I date bikers and truckers, zz tops lookin’ mother fuckers and bad ass boys.  And here is this mostly put together business man who comes home from work in dress pants/shoes/shirt/and even a tie at times.  WHAAAA???!!!  No 9″ long goatee.  No tattoos.  No oddball piercings.  No record (that I know of) and yet someone that drives me so crazy I want to hump his leg randomly when we’re out.

So his birthday was this past Friday.  I thought long and hard and came up with a gift that no one but me would ever get him.  Story for another time…

Thursday we had an epic day together – hot and heavy in an abandoned army depot.  Friday, major suck fest, and not in the hot and sexy way.  In the “my life sucks” way.  Hard to face not seeing him because he is with his girlfriend.  Major gut check.  I wasn’t shy about how I felt and he caught onto the fact that I’m tired of waiting for him to get shit figured out.

~Not Yer Bitch

Friends with benefits, so sooooooo many benefits

Hate me all you want for not writing for so long if you must; but if you want a real reason to hate me, read on.

It took a while after my divorce was over for me to get back into the swing of things, at least in the bedroom.  After over 9 years “off the market” the idea of finding someone who seemed worthy of a romp, much less getting naked with someone I don’t know very well … yeah … horrifying at best.

If you have to ease your way back into bed with someone, I always never recommend doing it with someone who you consider to be one of your best friends.  I also rarely take my own advice so guess what?  Who would’ve known that a man I have come to adore for who he is and how he makes me laugh and smile, who is 8 years my senior, and totally not my normal type … would be a rockstar in bed like I can not even express.

I’ll admit that sparks had been flying for some time.  Our version of fun together is breaking into abandoned, partially destroyed, and wildly unsafe buildings … to take pictures.  That’s smart … and a nice way to get the adrenaline juices flowing freely.  It didn’t take long for the innuendos to start flying between us, thick enough to cut with a knife.  Everyone who spent time with us asked if we were together, some even made comments about us needing to be separated via means such as fabric softener or pry bar.

But leave it to me to spin off a fantasy sexual relationship with a man who has a girlfriend.  So I did my best to behave—I suck at that.  After a few clearly intentional touches  from him on a very early, very cold, very abandoned Sunday morning, I made up my mind that at some point I would make that epic first post-divorce move and plant one on this guy.  I mean seriously, what did I have to lose?  A few days passed and he came for dinner.  We hung out for a while and in a random moment of silently looking at each other (and with the encouragement of half a bottle of Jim Beam) I literally announced “Fuck it!” out loud and then lunged across the room at him.

As if the fact that I had strong feelings for this guy wasn’t enough to complicate my barely post-divorce mind, he surprisingly not only accepted my advance but dove in head first.  Clothes flying in all directions, limbs tangled up, tongues and hands and lips running over skin like months worth of sexual tension had just broke.

I shit you not—THREE hours later—he was still going.  I on the other hand, was used to a “15 minute fuck and roll over” with my ex—I was a twisted combination of exhausted and so hooked it wasn’t even funny.

*NOTE TO WOMEN*  If you aren’t gonna give your man what he wants, the way he wants it, and make him squirm, moan and say “holy fuck” when he’s done, someone else will.  Apparently, I’m that someone.  Yeah I’m a dirty whore.  Guess what? I’m okay with it.

So its been just about a month and a half since my 3-hour-romp with an older man (who I adore) that has a 7-year-long relationship with a girlfriend who has NO idea there’s something going on.  I have a God given talent to ignore my conscious and a incredibly threadbare moral fiber which has allowed me to continue taking this guy into my bed for hours on end, sometimes 3 times a day.  It’s worth every second of it.  Gotta keep my heart and head in check, but that is a story (and a guy) for another day.

~Not Yer Bitch (but on occasion I’ll be his!)

It must be the red hair

If you’ve ever visited our Facebook page, you know that I like to have fun once in a while and do a “Red Head Sunday”. I’m working on one right now while I write this. I just love being a Ginger, but it took me quite a few years to grow into that love. I used to be “made fun of” for my white skin and freckles, and my typical sunburned skin in the summer months. Now I treasure my “different” look like no other.

I was eating lunch with a friend the other day and she commented on how men glance and sometimes stare when I’m around or pass them by. Even her husband noticed at the last event we attended. He said “does she know everyone is staring at her?” For some reason I never notice this unless someone points it out to me. If men are that visually attracted to me then why don’t they approach me?  Do I give off this “unapproachable vixen” vibe as well? I sure hope not! Even Sex Kitten thinks I’m a “Force of Nature” as she put it.

I have a birthday coming up this week and I was thoughtfully looking back on my dating life over the years. One simple fact is that I’ve NEVER asked a man on a date. That’s hilarious considering how many men I’ve dated minus the years with my ex-husband. I’m honestly not even sure how to pull it off … do I have the balls to do this?

So that’s my goal this year, I need to start “asking” instead of just going along with the hottie that approaches me. I don’t think it’s an insecurity issue or lack of self esteem, I think I just have terrible timing and I’m rather un-assuming about people’s opinions of me. I need to come to terms with how others see me and how I see myself. I don’t think I’m painfully lacking in self-awareness but it does throw me off a bit.

I think I might start by talking to the security guard at my office building. He’s a tall, dark and handsome type that always says “hi” and asks how my day is going. I’ve overheard the cleaning lady say “She’s so pretty!” to him as I leave the building so maybe she has him convinced and I’ll have bonus points for trying. I wonder if a redheaded tattooed sassy woman is his type … I’ll keep ya posted.

~Globe Trotter in Lingerie

Fantasy Fulfilled

Submitted from our guest blogger “Sexy Legs”:

I have a friend that I have known for years. Somehow recently though that friendship morphed into an online “friends with benefits” type relationship – not sure how or what made the relationship shift but I’m not complaining. Sexting and pictures kept building an attraction and desire for each other that I never thought would get to be fulfilled.

This man turns me on like no other has! Just hearing his voice as he’s telling me things he wants to do to me makes me wet. And my, what an imagination! He seems to never run out of ideas for fun. Funny, smart and sexy… a triple threat to be sure.  Much to both our surprise a circumstance came up to present an opportunity for us to meet in person and indulge ourselves in every naughty thought or idea we had dreamed of doing to each other and so we both jumped on it.

I have to say it is the single best sexual experience I have ever had. As it replays in my head again and again I feel like I lived a fantasy and wonder if it was even real.

We met at a hotel. I had dressed in an outfit I knew he would love – heels, short skirt with no panties and low cut top (no bra of course). I had a suitcase with me packed with all the “accessories” that he had requested for our weekend of fun. I met him in the lobby where he greeted me with a chaste kiss but a wicked glimmer in his eyes.

I followed him up to the room and there were only seconds between the time I let go of my suitcase and the time I found myself pinned to the wall being kissed. After several moments of frenzied kissing he ripped my shirt open, thank goodness for snaps, and started kissing down my neck and my breasts as his hand worked his way up my skirt finding the center of me and began rubbing and teasing my clit.

My hands reached for his pants because there was way too much fabric between us. He paused just long enough to take of his shirt before he resumed kissing and groping and sucking and flicking. I finally got his pants off and freed his cock which was exactly what I was wanting. He lifted me up and plunged himself deep in me fucking me right there against the wall.

The feeling was incredible to have him pumping in and out of me while kissing me hard and keeping me pinned to the wall. I didn’t last very long at all and the first orgasm of many those 2 days washed over me. He carried me from the wall over to the bed and laid me down and flipped me over to continue fucking me from behind, pinning me down to the bed, and giving me the occasional hard smack on the ass. I came again and this time he came with me. What an awesome start to the weekend! I honestly don’t remember thinking one coherent thought other than MORE! I was just consumed by passion and enjoying the feel of him.

The rest of the weekend continued like that with that much passion. I remember each encounter vividly and remember thinking I just could not get enough of this man. I wanted more skin to touch, more kisses, more of his cock, and he certainly gave me what I wanted. I lost count of the number of orgasms I had other than it was in the double digits. But the best thing is how we  easily transitioned from our friendship to lovers many times over the course of those 2 nights.

I eliminated the word no from my vocabulary and allowed him to indulge his imagination. This is a decision I will never regret. The man flipped every switch I had and I’m pretty sure installed a few new ones. Even when he was tired he made most excellent use of my toys to continue to give me as much pleasure as I could handle … and more.

He knows his way around a woman’s body and how to build the excitement to maximize the pleasure. He also knows exactly what he likes and what turns him on and the confidence to just say it which is so damn sexy to me. With him I felt like could be completely uninhibited for the first time in my life and it was such a liberating feeling.

The best part is we parted still friends with really no awkwardness at all. The whole experience was so much better beyond what I expected. Would I fuck him again given the chance? That would be a resounding HELL YES!! But even if that never happens I have the most awesome memories that are sure to give me wet dreams for years to come.

~ Sexy Legs (Guest Blogger)

Things that make you wet

From our honest and loyal Facebook fans with a few of my own thrown in there too.

– Men in kilts
– Innocently bending over when he’s looking
– Bald men with tattoos
– Sucking on my fingers
– Humming in my ear
– Lightly blowing on my neck and ears
– Licking me like a lollipop
– Pulling my hair
– Feather light touches
-Kissing my stomach
-Biting my neck when we’re doggie style
– A normal text turns into sexting
– Knowing you shouldn’t do something and not stopping
– Making them say what they want even though you already know
– When he runs his finger down my spine
– Nibbling in all the right places
– Knowing someone else might be watching you
– Whisker burn
– Biting my lip
– Still smelling him on the pillow afterward

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~ Globe Trotter in Lingerie